Before you walk down the aisle, take note of these subtle green flags and red flags to see if your relationship will last or crumble.
Signs you’re marrying the wrong person – You’re marrying the update
Do you fantasize about how your partner will change once you two get married? They’ll be more driven, spend less money, drink less alcohol, decide they want kids later on, or finally cut off their awful parents. This means part of your decision to marry this person comes from who they will become in the future. This is an imagined version that doesn’t exist yet.
Your future keeps getting smaller
Think about what hopes and dreams you had before things got serious. If you find yourself slowly silencing parts of your dream because your partner scoffs at them, fears them, or somehow makes pursuing them difficult, then you have to rethink your decisions about marriage.
Relationships do need give and take when planning a future together. However, it shouldn’t always be the same person giving. The wrong partner can slowly shrink your potential until you don’t even realize how much of your old future is gone.
You’re good on vacation
A relationship can seem great when there are vacations to plan, new restaurants to try, or adventures to look forward to every weekend. However, a marriage is likely to involve more ordinary evenings than exotic trips: dishes, errands, finances, and moments when you both have little to say.
These everyday moments can quickly turn into boredom, annoyance, detachment, or a constant search for distractions. If you can’t deal with these ordinary moments for the rest of your life, it might mean you’re marrying the wrong person.
The wedding answers too much
Calling off a wedding involves embarrassment, lost deposits, hurt feelings from relatives, and awkward questions. Sometimes, people go forward with the wedding because of these reasons.
So think carefully about whether you’re focusing more on how tough it would be to call it off than on how much you want your life beyond. A wedding only lasts a day; don’t let embarrassment drive your decision for the next 50 years.
Someone keeps translating
You frequently find yourself defending your partner to family and friends: “He means well, that’s just how he speaks,” “She would never actually say that,” or “You just have to know him.” It’s okay to stand up for your partner every now and then.
But if you find yourself constantly translating what they say or do, there may be something there to pay attention to. There are times when people outside of a relationship misunderstand it. But there are also times when they can see something you’ve learned to excuse.
Relief at plans changes
Your partner cancels dinner, your weekend plans fall through, or they need to go out of town, and your immediate personal response is relief.
Wanting some alone time occasionally is totally normal. But if you find yourself consistently feeling freed whenever you suddenly don’t have to be with your partner, take note. Your body can know you’re burned out before you know how to articulate it.
Signs you’re marrying the right one – Bad news has a destination
You make a mistake at work or hear scary news, and you know just where you want to be. You don’t have to rehearse how to tell it or wait until you look good. Your partner is who you naturally gravitate towards when life gets uncomfortable. That instinct says more about your marriage than how much fun you two have when life is good.
Not keeping receipts
You bought dinner last time, they took you out three times, you listened to their family drama, and they stood by you during a horrific month. Neither person is mentally tallying all of those things on an invisible scoreboard. Each person notices when the effort becomes truly unequal, though. Routine acts of generosity don’t accrue debt.
Changing the blueprint
Maybe you wanted three kids once upon a time, and now you want one, or maybe a career trajectory became less important overnight. In a solid partnership, having a change of heart doesn’t mean immediate betrayal because “we didn’t agree to that five years ago.” You can renegotiate the plan as two people who grow and change over time.
Unwavering teamwork
Life can deal out stress, financial strain, or change unexpectedly. When it does, you run toward each other for support instead of blaming one another. You tackle day-to-day tasks, chores, and emergencies together as a well-rounded team.
No one is ever overwhelmed with trying to do it all alone since support and understanding are always readily available. You feel secure that you always have someone you can count on, which makes stressful situations feel like small hills to climb.
You have a shared vision
You instinctively align on the major life choices and have a mutual vision for what you both want your future to hold. Conversations about money, careers, or family all have priorities that stem from values that head in the same direction.
You’re both on the same path, which means you don’t have to compromise your dreams for the relationship to progress. Creating a life together makes sense because your futures complement each other.
Bouncing back well
Never having an argument doesn’t mean you two are compatible. What’s more important is what happens after the argument. Can you come back, apologize, soften, acknowledge your mistakes, and slowly let love resume its rightful place? Couples that know how to patch up minor breaks have an asset that will be priceless for decades.
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