Thinking back, I can spot those small moments where something I said or did was enough to push away someone I’d just met. At the time, I had no idea.
A week ago, I was having coffee with some of my friends, and we were talking about this very thing. We each had some sort of past story about how a blooming friendship withered away. Today, we’ll be sharing 13 of them.
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Too many pet names, too quickly
One person said a new friend started using nicknames for them almost right away—ones they hadn’t suggested or agreed to. It felt overly familiar, like they were skipping the slow, natural part of getting to know each other.
Saying “maybe” without follow-up
It can feel like the friendship isn’t genuine if a new friend never follows through after a “maybe.” One person said they gave up making plans to meetup because it always fizzled out.
Sticking to group chats only
One friend noticed that their new buddy only ever talked in group messages….. never a private text. Group chats are all good and well, but when a new friend never initiates a one-on-one, it makes you question their investment in the friendship.
Taking too long to reply
There’s an expectation of some sort in having to be the person to send the next text. A friend said she began to feel like she was pestering someone when responses became drawn-out or late every time.
Explaining everything they do
One user explained their new friend would justify every single decision they made, from where they sat to what they ordered to which film they watched. Instead of coming across as considerate, it made the time together feel stiff, like nothing could just happen naturally.
Sharing too many in-jokes from other friendships
One person said it’s hard to feel close when the other person keeps making jokes about things that happened with other friends. Since you weren’t there, you can’t really join in, and it starts to feel like you’re not part of their world.
Heavy sarcasm, too much teasing
One person noticed that almost every comment her new friend made had an edge to it (what seemed playful at first started to become burdensome)….. It got in the way of any real closeness.
Dominating the planning stage
If a new friend always wants to make plans then it can quickly become one sided. They choose the time, place, and the activity which can seem a bit controlling rather than enthusiastic.
Not remembering small details they’ve shared
Forgetting their stories is like hitting “skip” on their chapter. They notice, and it can make you seem a bit distracted.
Talking only about your schedule
You’re busy and they get it. But if all they hear about is how full your week is, they might just stop asking.
Changing plans without checking in
You might think you’re keeping things fresh by changing the plan last second, but to them it might feel like you hit the delete button on their input.
Making assumptions about their opinions or feelings
Speaking like you already know where they stand can push them to tune out. People want to explain things in their own words.
Opening up too soon
A new friend once told me about every family fight and work problem before we’d even hung out a handful of times, and it felt like we skipped a few steps.
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