Canada borders the United States very closely, but Canadians across the border laugh at how quaint and outdated Americans are about some things.
Hustle
Americans love to boast about nonstop working, side hustles and getting little sleep like it’s some kind of badge of honour. Canadians view things differently.
To Canadians, working yourself into a constant state of exhaustion isn’t always glamorous. Having time to spend with family, hobbies, vacation and just an overall chill personal life is important, rather than making every second about producing.
Credit card handoffs
Americans pride themselves on having a high-tech banking system, but Canadians are confused by U.S. restaurants. Canadians have been using tap- and-pay and wireless chip- and-PIN machines delivered right to their restaurant table for years.
Seeing an American waiter wander off into the back with a credit card is like watching history from the 1990s replay before your eyes.
Paper bills
Americans boast about how powerful and internationally respected their greenback is, but Canadians laugh about how weak and primitive U.S. currency actually is. U.S. currency feels like a grey piece of paper that tears easily and falls apart after being in the wash.
Canadians switched to durable, colored, waterproof plastic money years ago. Up north, we find it hilarious watching Americans paw through stacks of paper trying to distinguish a five-dollar bill from a twenty.
Freedom
Americans love to think they have more freedom than anyone else in the world, but Canadians laugh at how hypocritical the American system actually is.
How can you say that you are free when your Homeowner Association can fine you because your grass is too high, or when harsh abortion laws and systemic racism work to take people’s rights away from them?
In addition, Canadians think it’s absurd how the wealthy and corporations can buy laws and political votes through lobbyists. Canadians believe in true freedom, not a silly catchphrase.
Snack selections
Americans brag about the astronomical quantity of flavor options they have on their grocery store shelves. 45 different flavors of Oreo cookies? Bright pink cereal?
Canadians simply scoff at the ingredient lists. The “novel” products are filled with chemicals and high-fructose corn syrup, otherwise banned in most other developed nations.
Football
Americans love to laugh at how bad the Canadian Football League is, proudly proclaiming that the NFL is the only place you can truly witness athletic superiority. The truth is, Canadians mock Americans for playing such a slow and bloated version of the game.
With an oversized 110-yard field and only three downs instead of four, the Canadian game is forced to be an up-tempo, pass-happy system. Canadians watching the American game have to sit through hours of commercials, clock stoppages, and backwards-moving 2-yard runs.
Imperial system
Americans love to hold on to Fahrenheit, miles, and pounds because they think it makes them unique. They say the metric system is too complicated.
Canadians, who speak Celsius when talking about the weather, kilometers when discussing distance and millimeters when we’re building, find this willful ignorance of how the rest of the world works hilarious.
Super-sized portions
Ever notice how massive restaurant portions are in the U.S.? U.S. fast-food chains and diners boast they can feed a family of 4 with one meal.
Where Americans view these obscene plates of food as freedom and excess, Canadians see wastefulness, impending food comas, and a confusing cultural obsession with giant plastic cups.
Excessive patriotism
Americans like to flaunt their extreme patriotism. Patriotism for Americans is like a daily sport of competition. Canadians love laughing at how excessive it all is, from massive flags draped over highway car dealerships to having to recite the Pledge of Allegiance in grade school every morning.
Canadians see forcing children to pledge allegiance to a piece of cloth as brainwashing, disguised as freedom. Canadians love Canada, just not in a loud, boisterous way.
Medical luxury
Americans like to brag about their luxury healthcare system with marble hospital lobbies, private rooms, and a choice of specialists. Canadians think this is extremely funny. To a Canadian, Health care isn’t lavish if you can go bankrupt from having a broken bone and a ride in an ambulance.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.