Forget what you’ve heard because winning an argument doesn’t involve who talks the loudest—it’s making your point in a way that convinces others while keeping things calm. Even in the most heated debates, staying cool gives you an edge. Here are ten techniques to help you come out on top while keeping the conversation friendly & productive. You’ll persuade others without ever needing to shout!
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Paraphrase Their Points
Try restating what the other person just said in your own words because it shows them you’re really listening. Saying something like, “So, you’re thinking that…” lets them know you’re engaged and it’ll clarify any misunderstandings. It could also highlight flaws in their logic. For example, if they think a new policy isn’t necessary, you could respond, “So you feel the current system covers all our needs?” It might make them realize that the way they’re approaching the situation is wrong so therefore they should adjust things.
Start Small with the Low-Ball Technique
Start the discussion with something easy to agree on as this will set a positive tone. Getting them to say yes to a minor point makes them more likely to agree to bigger things later & then you can build on that shared goal to deal with more significant issues. The goal is to take small steps that lead to larger agreements. In doing so, you’ll be able to convince them that your strategy is the best way to move forward and reach some kind of agreement.
Anchor Your Argument
You should also begin with a strong initial point that sets the stage for the rest of the discussion. In a salary negotiation, you might begin by mentioning a higher number than you expect to settle on because this initial “anchor” influences how they see subsequent offers. Then, you’ll guide the conversation in a direction that’s more favorable to you. And you did it all without raising your voice or getting angry with them—just by creating an anchor to center the discussion around.
Frame Your Argument to Highlight Benefits
Focus on how your ideas will help them personally because people are more likely to agree if they see a direct benefit. You might say, “This approach could save you time in the long run,” or “You’ll have more flexibility with this option.” When you point out what’s in it for them, you’re making your argument more appealing. As a result, you increase the chances they’ll get on board because they’ll now see the positives of your argument instead of the critiques they latched onto at the start.
Offer Reciprocity
Giving something upfront also encourages the other person to return the favor, such as saying something like, “You’ve raised some valuable points.” You might even want to make a small concession on a related issue. In doing so, you build goodwill & make them more inclined to see things your way—it’s a natural human response to want to reciprocate kindness. So you should use this to your benefit by giving them something positive!
Use Positive Language to Prime Them
Words have power and using positive ones sets the tone for the conversation. Sprinkle in words like “appreciate,” “benefit” & “opportunity” to make things more agreeable, which will influence their mood without them even realizing it! You want to make them more open to your ideas without any added pressure—that’ll just make them more likely to reject what you’re saying.
Use “We” Instead of “You” or “I”
Changing your language to include “we” creates a sense of teamwork and phrases like “We could find a better solution if we consider…” make the other person feel included. Rather than being on opposing sides, you become partners working together. It’s an inclusive approach that reduces resistance. Together, you’ll move toward a resolution more easily than if you were both stuck in the mud & arguing back and forth.
Reframe Negative Statements
Likewise, when the other person’s being negative, you should turn their comments into a positive discussion. Any comments like “This idea will never work” should be met with “What changes do you think would make it more effective?” because it moves the focus away from shutting things down. Instead, you’re looking for solutions & keeping the conversation moving forward. And really, that’s the best way to solve an argument!
Focus on Interests, Not Positions
Avoid sticking rigidly to your stance but rather, try to understand what’s really important to them. Ask questions like, “What are your main concerns about this?” because that’ll get to the heart of their interests. In doing so, you might find common ground or alternative solutions that satisfy both of you! Such an approach moves past surface-level disagreements to address the real issues at hand that you’ll both be able to work on solving together.
Avoid Absolutes and Generalizations
You should also steer clear of words like “always” or “never” as they’ll make the other person defensive & statements such as “You never listen” put them on the spot. Use specific examples to illustrate your point. For example, saying, “Yesterday, when I mentioned the deadline, I felt like my concerns weren’t addressed” keeps the conversation focused on particular instances. It reduces the chances of it turning into a heated argument because instead of blaming each other, you’re trying to get to the heart of the problem to solve it.
Disclaimer: This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.
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