Some questions seem innocent enough but are actually designed to bully you, invade your privacy, or take control of your life.
Financial privacy
“How much money do you make?”
Unless this is a serious negotiation about your salary or your boss offering you a promotion, nobody should ask you this question. Nosy people want to know how much you make to determine your perceived social status. Worse still, people love to know how much you make to figure out how much they can take from you.
Respecting boundaries
“Why can’t you take a joke?”
When someone says something racist, sexist, or homophobic and you point it out to them, they’ll say this to you like you’re the one offending them. It’s gaslighting and it’s a way for them not to take responsibility for their awful behavior.
Intimidation tactics
“Who do you think you are?”
This is a question intentionally trying to belittle you. Most times this is said when you advocate for yourself or speak your mind about something they don’t agree with. They are telling you that you are out of line and need to know your place.
Children
“Why don’t you have kids yet?”
Asking someone this question is super invasive. No one knows what someone’s situation is. You might not want kids, or you might not be able to have kids. It may even bring up health problems others weren’t aware of.
Character attacks
“What’s wrong with you?”
This question is both very toxic and very vague. It is not a helpful inquiry into your well-being, but an accusation. Whoever asks you this is trying to make you feel like there is something inherently wrong with the very fabric of who you are as a person.
Deflecting blame
“Don’t you trust me?”
Manipulators love to throw this question in your face when you call them out on something. Instead of apologizing for what they did or told you, they deflect and make you feel guilty for thinking that they did something wrong. Suddenly, you’re the bad guy for expecting someone to be truthful with you.
Relationship status
“Why are you still single?”
Asking someone this implies that you think there’s something wrong with them for not being in a relationship. Usually, people who ask this don’t take into account your personality or your recent breakup or trauma. It is a way of making you feel less than because you do not fit into their narrow definition of a successful life.
Guilt tripping
“Can’t you just do this for me?”
This question is guilt-tripping you into going out of your way to help them. “Can’t you?” implies that it would be unreasonable of you not to drop what you’re doing to do this one simple task for them. They don’t care about how much time, energy, or other projects you have going on.
Body shaming
“Have you gained weight?”
This is a calculated blow to your self-image meant to make you feel insecure. Unless you ask for their opinion on your weight, physique, or the way you look, nobody cares and no one should ask you about your body.
Undermining value
“Did you actually do anything?”
When someone asks you this, they are seeking to erase everything you worked for. They want to diminish your efforts at work, at home, or on a project. Literally everything you do for them or that you take pride in, they try to invalidate with this question.
Invalidating feelings
“Why are you being so emotional?”
They want you to feel as though something is wrong with the way that you feel. Emotions aren’t something you can easily control, so questioning how you feel allows the person to not deal with the root problem. Simply stated, don’t expect any actual conversation from this one.
Controlling behavior
“Who are you with?”
This question, asked in a suspicious tone, is classic jealousy. You are being spoken to like a child who needs to provide a status update to their supervisor. This is a sign of passive-aggressive control that many people experience in the beginning stages of a relationship.
Shaming empathy
“Why do you care so much?”
This question makes whatever you care about seem like a bad thing. Whether it’s showing empathy to others, standing up for your values, or liking the same things as someone, this is a passive-aggressive way of shaming you for having feelings.
Gaslighting tactics
“Are you sure about that?”
If someone asks you this and they sound condescending or they smirk while asking you, they don’t believe you and are trying to make you feel stupid. It’s a generic way for people to make you question your memory, your judgment, and your facts.
Social isolation
“Did you hear what everyone else is saying?”
Claiming that everyone is saying bad things about you is social manipulation. Not only does hearing this put you on the defensive socially, but you’ll feel the need to cling to whoever just told you that everyone hates you.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.