Paid restroom actions

Americans expect to find bathrooms in malls, restaurants, and other places open to the public free of charge. In some areas of Europe, however, paying a small fee at the bathroom in a train station, highway rest stop, shopping center, or other public venue is not uncommon. Some have turnstiles while others have an attendant or payment machine.

Even though some of that charge might go towards keeping the facilities tidy and in good repair, the idea of paying to use the restroom can really confuse an American traveler.

No free water

When you sit down at an American restaurant, tap water is typically set before you without asking. Water doesn’t always flow that way in European restaurants.

You may be asked if you want still or sparkling bottled water. Water might even show up as a charge on your bill. Tap water is free in some countries and required in restaurants in others. Americans shouldn’t expect foreign restaurants to abide by their home water customs.

Tiny refrigerators

The massive refrigerator-freezer prevalent throughout American suburbia can seem excessive in other places. Smaller refrigerators are common throughout European households, especially older apartments and urban areas where kitchens are smaller.

Plus, when people shop more often, they don’t really need all that space for a week’s worth of food. It’s no wonder that retailers in Britain and elsewhere label particularly large side-by-side models as American-style refrigerators.

Washing machines in kitchens

Open a kitchen cabinet in Europe and you may find an unexpected appliance next to the oven: the washing machine. Common in the UK and Ireland, it can also be found throughout Europe in homes not built with dedicated laundry rooms.

Plumbing access and often a lack of space make the kitchen an ideal spot. For Americans used to having laundry rooms, basements or utility closets to hide their washers and dryers, washing socks next to the dishwasher may feel a little odd at first.

No clothes dryer

Throwing every load into a tumble dryer is something many Americans are used to doing. In many areas of Europe, drying clothes on an indoor rack, balcony, line or indoor drying frame is far more common.

Small houses, energy prices, eco concerns and old habits are just some of the reasons why. Europe does have dryers, but they aren’t thought to be necessary in every home.

Shopping more often

Groceries don’t necessarily need to be all done at once with one giant trip to the store. Many people in walkable European cities do shorter trips to the supermarket or bakery or produce store or neighborhood shop a few times a week.

Smaller kitchens and smaller refrigerators help make that practical, and having stores within walking distance cuts down on having to pack your entire week of groceries into your car.

Ground floor isn’t one

When an American walks into an elevator and presses “1,” he or she expects to end up at street level. In many European countries, the floor at street level is known as the ground floor. The first floor is one floor above ground.

That small distinction has led millions of hotel patrons astray while looking for their rooms.

Smaller cars

Pickup trucks and oversized SUVs are nothing new on American streets. However, many European cities were established long before the invention of the automobile.

Narrow streets, cramped parking spots, high fuel prices and compact cities make small cars incredibly convenient. Small hatchbacks that may seem oddly tiny in some regions of the U.S. are completely normal in Europe.

Vacation means vacation

Paid annual holidays lasting several weeks are the norm in Europe. Under European Union rules, all workers covered by the EU Working Time Directive are entitled to at least four weeks of paid annual leave.

Often member states provide additional paid vacation under national law or agreements. The United States has no federal minimum paid vacation law for private-sector employees.

Windows

Oddly enough, one of the coolest features for Americans is the European window that turns and tilts, as you see commonly throughout Germany and other parts of Europe.

You turn the handle one way and the whole window opens like a door. Flip it the other way and just the top swings inward for ventilation, leaving most of the window closed. Most Europeans think nothing of this window design and aren’t impressed by it.

Inclusive price tags

If you see an item in a store or on a menu in Europe, the price tag on the shelf is the amount you will pay at the cash register. VAT is added to the displayed price by law throughout the EU and UK. Americans aren’t used to this since sales tax is added at the register and includes state and sometimes local taxes.

Car free city centers

Some European cities have huge car-free downtown areas, where streets and parking spaces have been converted into sidewalks, cobblestone squares and café tables. Buses, trams, metros and suburban rails are well-connected so you don’t need a car to get around.

If you grew up in one of America’s car-dependent, sprawling suburbs where it’s literally impossible to walk to the grocery store, a city designed for pedestrians will seem totally foreign.

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Hands-on competency

“You have a lot to say for someone who has never fixed a flat”

This snide comeback takes them from an airy opinion battle to the ground of common experience. These tech-savvy kids from the digital era really fancy themselves sharp with both gadgets and quick comebacks. If you catch one of them missing a core self-sufficiency skill, the dynamic shifts dramatically.

Financial reality

“Call me when you pay a mortgage”

Facing down stark financial truths is a swift way to shatter idealistic notions. Young people often criticize politicians or banks easily, but navigating property loans, taxes, and maintenance will fundamentally alter how they see things. This retort makes the speaker realize that adult responsibility means responsibilities they don’t have yet.

Trend origins

“I was doing that long before the algorithm told you to”

Whether it’s gardening, vinyl albums, thrift store fashion or film cameras, kids these days love reclaiming old habits and calling them trends. Tell them your grandparents just did those things growing up and you rob them of that illusion. Subtly remind them that trends are just old things repackaged for the new generation.

Accumulated wisdom

“I’ve forgotten more than you’ve learned so far”

This stock answer reminds people that you have more life experience than they do without actually having to argue about the facts. It suggests that wisdom stems from years of trying things, messing up, and figuring them out, not from falling down internet rabbit holes. Casually referring to experience as a number of years lived diffuses their unearned arrogance back in its place.

Lived Experience

“Experience isn’t something you can download”

At a time when everything you could possibly want to know can be googled or asked from Alexa within seconds, this comeback challenges that gap between knowledge and wisdom.

Knowing how to go about certain messy human experiences, career crises, or life altering decisions doesn’t come with a hyperlink. It serves as advice to the youth that good judgment can’t be learned in haste nor without life experience.

Direct contact

“I remember when people spoke to each other’s faces”

Say this phrase at the right time, and you’ll shame someone for living in the age of extreme social anxiety and technology dependence. Gen Zers and Millennials especially have a knack for feeling more at ease talking behind a screen. Point out someone’s lack of comfort having a genuine conversation? You’re bound to strike gold.

Long-term endurance

“That’s cute, now do it for 40 years”

Sticking with a career, marriage, or family for four decades demands a deep well of perseverance that fleeting enthusiasm just can’t sustain.

For those Millennials and Gen Zers who love to boast about their head start or being the first to figure something out, this comeback lets them know they’re not as far along as you are. It highlights the long game over early euphoria.

Historical cycles

“Your grandparents thought the exact same thing”

Teenagers love to think that they’re the first generation to ever challenge convention, protest wars, or recognize hypocrisy. Tell a fifteen year old critic that the hippies of the 60s and 70s pioneered teen angst today, and you’ll offer that kid a swift dose of perspective. You’ll show them that their seemingly unique view is just history repeating itself.

Economic resilience

“Talk to me after your first layoff”

Some youngsters have a false sense of security that stems from academic credentials and early-career optimism, which reality eventually tests.

This snappy retort reminds them that recessions, layoffs, and hardships strike almost all of us eventually. It also implies that someday they will learn from life that universities and entry level jobs can’t prepare you for everything.

Foundational Labor

“I built the infrastructure you’re complaining on”

The older generations built the roads and bridges, power grids, first computer networking protocols, and even corporate hierarchies we still live with.

Telling someone they’re just riding on the coattails of others is condescending. It makes them realize there are far more people working behind the scenes for you to succeed than you might think.

Digital fragility

“Good luck with that when the Wi-Fi goes down”

It’s a tongue-in-cheek insult at how helpless this generation will be without technology. Everything from package deliveries, paying bills, GPS, and catching up on a favorite show requires them to have uninterrupted signals.

When you tell a young one they should know how to survive without technology, you make them realize how weak their independence truly is.

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Heavy indoor smoke

Cigarette smoking indoors in living rooms, dining rooms and bedrooms was considered completely socially acceptable and normal rather than something harmful to one’s health. Kids were commonly raised in clouds of second-hand smoke. Burning embers falling on vinyl furniture or shag rugs were one of the top reasons for deadly house fires.

Dangerous paint

Lead paint remained prevalent in residential properties in the 1960s. Lead commonly accumulated in older housing where several layers of paint had been applied over the years. Chipping paint and household dust can become contaminated with lead.

Children are particularly vulnerable to exposure, which can harm the development of the brain and nervous system. Lead paint was banned from residential use by consumers in the United States in 1978. But it still exists in older housing underneath layers of paint.

A hidden building hazard

Asbestos was commonly used in insulation, floor tiles, roofing, textured coatings, pipe coatings, and other construction materials found in mid-century houses. Its heat-resistant qualities made it appear almost miraculous.

But the risk of asbestos became more apparent when studies revealed asbestos fibers that were breathed in could cause mesothelioma, lung cancer, and asbestosis. Asbestos-containing building materials may still be present in older homes today, which is why suspected asbestos should be professionally evaluated when disrupted during remodeling.

Gas space heaters

Gas space heaters without a chimney or flue were sometimes installed in mid-century homes to provide supplemental heat in bedrooms, living rooms and other areas. Combustion products such as carbon monoxide and nitrogen dioxide can build up indoors if they are not adequately vented to the outside, especially if the heater is poorly maintained or the room is not well ventilated.

Carbon monoxide poisoning can occur without warning because it is odorless and colorless, making people unaware there is a problem until they experience symptoms.

Non-safety glass patio doors

Massive floor-to-ceiling glass patio doors made from ordinary annealed plate glass became quite trendy in suburban homes. Children and adults alike would accidentally walk through the clear un-signalled doors.

When this happened, the glass broke into large, razor-sharp pieces that fell like giant guillotines, severely slicing people open and causing life-threatening bleeding.

Ungrounded two-prong outlets

Electrical wiring would commonly supply power to two-prong ungrounded electrical outlets without an equipment grounding conductor or GFCI (Ground Fault Circuit Interrupter) protection.

When someone would plug in a high-draw metal appliance such as a hair dryer, toaster oven, or power tool, any internal wiring short would energize the appliance’s outer case, resulting in catastrophic electric shocks or house fires.

Flammable synthetic fabrics

Synthetic fabrics made from untreated polyester, rayon, and early forms of nylon blends were commonly worn by adults and children alike during the mid-century period. Since these original synthetics burned at extremely high temperatures, they melted onto skin when it came in contact with stove tops, fireplaces or random ashes from cigarettes. Victims suffered serious third degree burns.

Toxic cleaning solutions

Storage of powerful chemical solutions such as neat carbon tetrachloride, unleaded lye, and undiluted ammonia beneath the sink was common practice without the use of safety caps.

Entire families commonly utilized open containers of these aggressive solvents to spot clean and strip floors indoors. They breathed in chemical fumes without venting to the outdoors and even suffered the risk of life-threatening chemical burns by not wearing gloves.

Sharp appliances

Kitchen cabinets often had dangerous appliances with exposed, high-speed sharp blades and very little guarding, such as early electric meat grinders, slicers with exposed blades, and garbage disposal units without automatic safety interlocks.

Many did not have the automatic shut-off switches or substantial guards that are commonplace now, resulting in many visits to emergency rooms with deep cuts on hands.

Bare unprotected balconies

Mid-century modern homes were designed with open-concept stairways and outdoor balconies featuring wide railing gaps and short railings. This stylistic architectural decision posed major fall hazards for toddlers and young children who could fall through large gaps between vertical balusters or crawl/scramble over horizontal guardrails.

Mercury wall thermostats

Some homes had mechanical thermostats that use small glass switches filled with elemental mercury. During normal operation, the mercury allows for faster response to temperature fluctuations and remains safely contained within the unit, so intact units present minimal risk.

But when these thermostats break or are thrown away incorrectly, mercury can escape and vapor can be breathed in.

Unanchored heavy furniture

Heavy dressers, bookcases, cabinets and large TVs were not anchored to walls in houses built in the 1960s. Most parents did not realize the common dangers that furniture posed. Tall or top-heavy furniture could tip over if a child climbed on it or pulled out too many drawers.

Today, we are advised to anchor furniture and TVs that present a tipping hazard to the wall with proper anchors or anti-tip devices, especially if you have young children in your home. This was common sense that was missing from most mid-century homes.

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Low pressure messages

When you text someone saying, “just saw this and thought of you” or “don’t have to reply! just hoping you’re having a good day,” you mean the world to that person.

You take away the pressure of them feeling like they need to send you something right back. Instead of just another urgent notification, you’ve managed to brighten someone’s day in the most thoughtful manner.

Proactive helpful acts

Preemptively doing little, menial tasks like filling up the electric kettle when you see it’s empty, clearing away one more plate, or filling up a glass with fresh water are all small gestures that show you notice what’s going on around another person. Anticipating and swiftly dealing with small annoyances like this shows you are aware of someone’s situation and helps to lighten their load.

Recalling small details

By referencing something small that was said weeks ago, like checking in on how their elderly cat’s vet appointment went or how that super stressful meeting landed, you show excellent listening skills. Y

ou care enough about your past interactions that you remembered the small details instead of blocking them out as noise. You made someone feel heard, seen, and appreciated when most people rush through life engaging in small talk.

Shielding social focus

Stepping in to rescue another from being interrupted, protecting someone’s opportunity to speak in a crowded room, or even saying “you were saying?” are forms of strong social support.

They reestablish someone’s place at the table so others will hear what they have to say and respect their ideas without allowing them to have to battle to regain their spot. Doing this provides psychological safety for the other person by communicating that what they have to say is valued.

Safeguarding personal news

Not gossiping about a friend’s small news update, weakness, or private life information, even when the information is harmless, earns you tons of trust over time. People will feel like they can trust you with their weaknesses when they hear you never talk about anyone else’s behind their back. Keeping things you hear to yourself will make you seem well-grounded.

Adapting physical rhythms

Matching your fast walk to accommodate someone who is out of breath, holding an elevator door without telling someone not to rush you, or shifting your stance so others can join you in a circle allows someone to feel at ease instantly. These small shifts in physical actions express that you care, will wait for them, and want them to be a part of the group better than words ever will. You are physically slowing down to accommodate those around you.

Precise personal praise

Giving someone recognition by acknowledging something personal about them will stay with them longer than generic praise (“You were so patient during that stressful project” or “You explained that issue to me in such a caring way”). When you call out something unique and visible to you, the other person knows that you value them for who they are, not just for their output. This encouragement fosters authentic self-assurance and deepens personal relationships.

Timely graceful departures

Recognizing when your host or friend needs a break or has other things to do and taking care of ending the visit yourself alleviates a lot of social anxiety.

Providing someone with an obvious way to gracefully leave your company takes the burden off of them to hint that they need to go to sleep or recover. Ending while everyone is still having a good time ensures that you and your host will both have energy for the next hangout.

Upgraded returned items

Returning someone’s car with a full tank of gas or their book with a fancy bookmark are timeless ways to say thank you and show respect for someone else’s belongings. Bringing back a cleaned dish with cookies inside is another great way to show your appreciation. Gestures like these elevate a borrowed item into a meaningful token of gratitude that fosters healthy goodwill for years to come.

Validating hidden efforts

Celebrating small, unspectacular wins, like having someone finally turn in that boring report they’ve been avoiding, someone holding firm on a difficult boundary they’ve set for themselves, or someone just making it through a long, tough week, lets people know you appreciate their behind-the-scenes efforts. It tells them that you appreciate all that they do, even when it’s unnoticed by others.

Undivided digital absence

Putting your phone face down or away completely out of sight as soon as someone begins to talk to you is truly one of the greatest modern-day compliments you can give another person.

You are communicating nonverbally to the person in front of you that they have your undivided attention and are more important than anything that might pop up on your phone. This allows for an instant connection that is both intimate and respectful.

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The bar was low

A guy walks into a bar.

His friend ducks.

It’s only after understanding that the bar is not a place with booze that you laugh. The first guy actually walked into a metal or wood bar. His friend saw it and avoided it.

A grammar emergency

The past, present and future walk into a bar.

It was tense.

The point of the joke is hidden in “tense.” While a situation can be tense, past, present and future are also grammatical tenses.

The missing piece

Two men walk into a restaurant.

“I’ll have H2O,” says the first.

“I’ll have H2O too,” says the second.

The second man dies.

If you read “H₂O, too” as H₂O₂, you just accidentally drank hydrogen peroxide when you ordered water. The good news is, this is a chemistry joke, not a real life situation at a restaurant.

Reading between the lines

“I have a split personality,” said Tom, being Frank.

The sentence appears normal until you realize “Frank” can be both a person’s name (name of his other personality) and an adjective for honest or straightforward. Literally, Tom is being Frank.

A matter of perspective

There are two kinds of people in the world:

Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.

That’s it. The missing second type is the joke: you have to extrapolate what it would be yourself.

The Roman order

A Roman walks into a tavern. He holds up two fingers and says, “Five beers, please.”

Two fingers form a V. V is five in Roman numerals. So he’s ordering five beers without actually holding up five fingers.

The mathematical problem

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a tavern.

The first one orders one beer. The second orders a beer half full. The third orders a beer quarter full.

The bartender pours out two full beers and says, “You guys need to know your limits.”

The orders make up an infinite geometric series: 1 + ½ + ¼ + ⅛ + … Its limit is 2, so the bartender knows how much beer they’ll eventually order.

Technically correct

A logician’s wife tells him, “Go to the store and buy a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.”

He returns with 12 loaves of bread.

He took her words literally. “If they have eggs, buy a dozen” meant buy a dozen loaves of the previously mentioned bread. This joke relies on interpreting normal language as if it were computer programming.

Know your audience

A biologist, a physicist, and a mathematician are observing a house.

Two people walk in. Then three people walk out.

The biologist says, “They must have reproduced.”

The physicist says, “Well, there must have been a measurement error.”

The mathematician says, “If one more person enters the house, it will be empty.”

For the mathematician, the number of people inside is an equation: 0 + 2 – 3 = –1. Bring in one more person, and you’re mathematically at zero people inside the house again.

The double negative

“A double negative in some languages translates to a positive. But in no known language does a double positive equal a negative,” says a professor of linguistics.

From the back of the room, a student calls out, “Yeah, right.”

“Yeah” and “right” are both positive words. But saying them together sarcastically can mean the complete opposite.

Schrödinger’s answer

Schrödinger’s cat walks into a bar.

And doesn’t.

This joke uses a famous thought experiment where a cat exists in a state of being both alive and dead until observed. This joke plays on that idea, making us wonder if the cat actually stepped inside the bar.

The ultimate shortcut

Why was six afraid of seven?

Because seven eight nine.

That one’s old. Why did seven eat nine?

Because you should eat three squared meals a day.

“Three squared” is read as 3², or 9. This riddle puts a mathematical spin on the phrase “three square meals.”

Boy or girl?

A logician’s wife just had a baby.

The doctor brings the baby in and hands it to the father.

“Is it a boy or a girl?” asks the wife.

“Yes,” replies the logician.

This joke uses Boolean logic, where “boy OR girl” is true (“Yes”) if either of the two cases is true. The logician sees the question as asking if either of the two conditions are true, not which condition holds.

Classical translation

A Latin professor walks into a bar and orders a martius.

The bartender stares blankly at him and replies, “Don’t you mean martini?”

“If I wanted two,” snaps the professor, “I’d ask for one.”

In Latin grammar, -us is a singular noun ending and -i is the plural noun ending. The scholar is asking for “martinus” because “martini” sounds like he is ordering a plural form of the noun, which means multiple drinks.

A question of space

Two parallel lines have so much in common.

It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

Parallel lines never intersect because they go on forever. Their doomed destiny is determined mathematically before it starts.

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Dish modifications

In the United States, asking for substitutions, sides instead of mains, and swapping toppings are quite common at restaurants.

In many countries outside of the US, menu modifications are seen as disrespectful to the chef. Asking a traditional bistro or trattoria to change their recipe to accommodate American tastes will only cause unnecessary tension with both the kitchen staff and waiters.

Free table expectations

Things like bottled water, bread in baskets, and cover charges are not free in many countries (especially those in continental Europe). Asking for automatic pitchers of tap water, free refills, bread baskets, etc. will cause embarrassing situations after seeing the final bill.

It’s always best to learn what’s expected of customers before a visit; this way, Americans can avoid hassles over nominal cover charges and will have a much more pleasant experience with their servers.

Excessive tipping

Although tipping between 15% and 20% is customary in North America, leaving huge tips in cash where there is already a service charge added onto the bill (or in countries where tipping just isn’t done, such as Japan) may actually cause awkward situations.

This can also ruin price points for locals and embarrass your server. Moreover, it shows that the customers haven’t taken the time to learn about local culture.

Freezing drink demands

Ordering glasses full of ice with unlimited free refills of sodas or iced tea goes against international restaurant culture. In most of Europe, Asia and South America, they serve their drinks at room temperature or only slightly chilled in small glasses.

The expectation is that customers will sip it slowly with their meal, not chug it down in great gulps.

Rushed cheque demands

Restaurants in other cultures treat dining as a leisurely affair. Patrons are expected to dawdle, and servers aren’t expected to rush the check unless the customer requests it.

Perceiving slow service as inefficient or slow may offend locals who view dining as a leisurely activity. Hastily asking a server for the bill right after eating can come across as disrespectful of local traditions.

High conversational volume

Compared to the usual conversational volume in countries like Japan, the United Kingdom, or Scandinavia, Americans tend to speak and laugh more loudly.

Allowing a table’s discussion to be heard by the entire room in a quiet restaurant is rather impolite. This disrupts the peaceful atmosphere other diners are trying to savor. One of the simplest ways to fit in is to moderate one’s voice to the level of background noise in the restaurant.

Familiar comforts

Searching out familiar brand-name American fast-food chains or ordering imported beer from a local tavern menu after traveling miles seems pretty close-minded to hosts.

Skipping local delicacies, house wines, and local draft options to dine on safe, predictable meals defeats the purpose of traveling for food. Experimenting with local ingredients and new menu options can lead to incredible experiences.

Defensive service expectations

Demanding manager interventions or bill deductions due to minor service delays or temperature preferences is a skewed version of the customer is always right, which doesn’t always apply abroad.

Many countries have service cultures based on reciprocity, respect, patience, and manners, not pounding your entitlement fist. It’s better to handle minor service disappointments with kindness and patience instead of expecting American-style service concessions.

Complex bill splitting

Requesting eight separate credit cards charged itemized from one party forces unnecessary strain on servers at small businesses abroad. The majority of restaurants worldwide send one bill per table for customers to divvy out among themselves later with cash or mobile transactions.

Handling math privately allows for an efficient and less stressful transaction.

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Spontaneous micro-planning

Shouldering all responsibility for little day-to-day choices (choosing a restaurant for dinner, planning a day trip for the weekend, or handling all the household logistics without asking dozens of questions, etc.) takes such a weight off her mind.

Planning everything from beginning to end shows that a man is secure in himself, competent, and that he wants to take care of her without burdening her with the details of organizing everything.

Active verbal validation

Giving authentic, unsolicited compliments that praise her intelligence, hard work, or personality (instead of just her looks) will make her feel known.

Acknowledging how long she studied for that hard test she had, how she stayed strong during a difficult time in her life, or how clever she is at coming up with jokes shows he notices her as a whole person.

Gentle no-goal touch

When a man initiates touch with absolutely no strings attached (ex: hugging her from behind as she pours herself a cup of coffee in the morning, brushing her hair behind her ear, holding hands while walking down the street), he builds deep emotional intimacy. These little touches allow her to know that he’s touching her because he wants to make her feel safe, loved, and cared for, not out of obligation.

Defending social space

Helping her out when she’s in a group situation (for example, by deflecting someone who interrupts or cuts her off, allowing her to complete her thought without jumping in, or validating her opinion in the middle of a loud group dinner) is a great way to show support. These actions show her that he respects her and her opinion, and that he has her back when they’re both out in public.

Proactive friction removal

Anticipating and taking care of menial household tasks or daily annoyances even before she knows they need fixing shows great situational awareness. Washing her windshield while it’s still cold outside, charging her electronics, or filling her tank will take minor lingering stresses from her day, which shows he’s thoughtful and actively trying to simplify her life.

Unbroken eye contact

Turning his cellphone off, away from reach, closing laptops and turning off screens while she is talking shows tremendous respect. Eye contact during normal conversation shows her that nothing he’s watching is more important than listening to what she has to say. It instantly creates a feeling of intimacy.

Following up on vulnerabilities

Recalling small concerns or future events she brought up days ago and asking about them unprompted lets her know that he cares about her inner life. Inquiring about a tough meeting, following up on a friend’s illness, or even asking how that draining project he knows she’s working on is going shows he remembers the little things that are important to her.

Unhurried reassurance

Providing soothing, anchoring support when she is feeling stressed or anxious allows him to help release emotional tension without dismissing how she feels. Sitting with her quietly and just being with her anger allows him to show her that he can remain strong in the face of her unpleasant feelings without getting reactive, withdrawing, or attempting to force a solution.

Public pride

Talking about how proud he’s of her achievements, smarts, or skills around mutual friends, family, or coworkers shows sincere admiration and commendation. Praising her in front of others lets her know that he sees her as his equal and is proud to stand by her side.

Vocalizing long-term vision

Talking about future goals, travel plans, or long-term plans using words like “we” and “our” will also help promote profound security within a relationship. Discussing the trajectory of a relationship in the coming months and years can alleviate underlying anxieties and prove he’s actively working to create a shared future.

Remembering emotional milestones

Remembering small anniversaries or important dates that aren’t holidays, such as the anniversary of meeting one another, a promotion at work, or a personal triumph over a tough challenge, shows great emotional intelligence. Acknowledging these smaller celebrations shows he cares about the life he has created with your partner.

Unsolicited breaks

Understanding when she’s physically, mentally, or emotionally spent and stepping in to make her take time for herself is kindness. Supporting her decision to take a long bath, go see friends, or just relax without interruptions while he runs errands or does chores lets her rest with no guilt.

Playful spontaneity

Adding unexpected humor, silliness or mini adventures into weekly routines will help a relationship stay fresh and young. Pulling her close for a quick slow dance in the kitchen, planning a surprise midnight trip to the ice cream shop, or starting an inside joke will make both feel silly and remember what made them fall in love.

Protecting unscheduled time

Voluntarily guarding her schedule from being overfilled and overwhelming shows extreme care for her time. Intervening to help her say no to unnecessary plans or scheduling entirely blank, drama-free weekends allows her to truly recharge and shows that he cares about her downtime.

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Jell-O Pudding Pops

Pudding Pops were a childhood favorite of many ’80s kids. You could find them everywhere in the US at the beginning of the 80s, bringing pudding’s deliciousness to a handheld frozen treat.

Flavors included chocolate, vanilla, and swirl. Appearing frequently in commercials throughout the 1980s, they gained a huge number of fans. Sadly, the original Jell-O version was discontinued in 1993, making a freezer favorite all but nostalgic.

Carnation Breakfast Bars

Before protein bars and sleek meal-replacement snacks hit store shelves, there were Carnation Breakfast Bars. Targeted at busy families who didn’t have time to sit down for a good breakfast, these tasty bars were available in flavors like chocolate chip, granola, and peanut butter.

While they were originally introduced in the 1970s, these breakfast treats remained well-known grocery staples throughout the 1980s. They were discontinued by Nestlé in the early 90s.

Keebler Magic Middles

Magic Middles appeared to be your typical shortbread cookies from the outside. Once you took a bite, you discovered there was a soft fudge center.

Keebler came out with these in the 1980s, and the unique mix made them special enough that folks request them years later. Sadly, they were discontinued in 1994, and cookie lovers everywhere mourned the loss.

PB Max

PB Max came right at the decade’s tail-end in 1989. It’s a sweet treat many people still fondly miss from their childhood. PB Max was made up of peanut butter and oats, placed on a cookie base. The whole package was then topped off with milk chocolate.

This enormous treat could rival some of the biggest candy bars of the time. Despite its potential, PB Max was taken off the market in 1994 after just five years.

Oompas

Wonka Oompas were impossible to overlook at the candy counter. Tiny colorful bites made them easy to shovel into your mouth handful by handful.

The original version had a peanut-butter center rolled in colorful candy coating, but variations were added throughout the years.

Introduced in the 1970s, they continued to be seen around until the early 1980s. The Wonka brand lived on with many other candies, but the original Oompas became one of those forgotten candies that only kids who ate them remember.

Mr. T Cereal

When it comes to 1980s icons, a Mr. T breakfast cereal is right up there with the best. The sweetened corn and oat cereal from Quaker hit the shelves in 1984, boasting “T” shaped pieces and a box covered in that well-known TV star.

During that era, cereals featuring celebrities and cartoon characters were common, but their lifespans were typically short. Mr. T Cereal vanished from shelves not long after it launched.

Giggles cookies

Giggles were as whimsical as their name. Emerging in the 1980s, Giggles cookies had smiley faces with vanilla and fudge cream slapped between them like a sandwich.

They were a natural fit for their times where children’s treats heavily employed licensed icons, quirky shapes and commercials that could run uninterrupted on children’s television programs. Around ten years after their introduction, Giggles vanished from grocery stores sometime in the 1990s.

Jell-O 1-2-3

Jell-O 1-2-3 made the simple boxed dessert interesting by adding a mini kitchen illusion. Once the contents were mixed together and poured into serving dishes, Jell-O 1-2-3 separated into three layers as it cooled, with each layer having its own texture. But it was retired from production in the mid-1990s.

Bonkers Candy

Bonkers were chewy fruit candies that are remembered almost as much for their wacky commercials as for the candy. Ads featured huge pieces of fruit comically “bonking” people on the head.

This gave Bonkers a larger than life personality that really appealed during the 1980s. The candy came in fruit flavors, with strawberry and watermelon being popular choices.

Alpine White

Nestlé Alpine White was presented as something greater than your typical candy bar. The white chocolate filling was blended with almonds and promoted using memorable slogans from the eighties.

In a candy aisle packed with milk and dark chocolate, this pristine white bar was a real standout. But like so many other sweets, it eventually vanished from shelves. However, people still recall the bar and the advertisements from so many years past.

Gatorade Gum

Designed as a convenient way to hydrate and energize yourself quickly during games, Gatorade Gum was one of many childhood/teenage staples grabbed at the grocery store checkout in the 1980s.

The chewy tabs were aggressively sour and citrus-flavored, kicking your saliva production into overdrive. Sadly, the taste didn’t last long after chewing, and with improvements to portable energy products in the 1990s, Gatorade eventually discontinued its beloved green-pack gum.

Minute Maid Soda

Coca-Cola, eager to join the mid-to-late 1980s fruit soda trend, launched its own Minute Maid line in vibrant hues such as orange, grape, peach, and pineapple. The colorful cans were filled with a combination of real fruit juice and extra carbonation.

Minute Maid Soda became a staple at BBQ’s and school lunches, until fruit-based competitors like Sunkist and Slice forced Minute Maid Soda off the shelves by the end of the decade.

Nabisco Swiss Knights

Nabisco Swiss Knights were definitely a more sophisticated snack than many of the colored box cartoons of the 1980s. The bite-sized pieces of Swiss style chocolate were wrapped individually and presented in a box. Nabisco Swiss Knights were a readily available treat in grocery stores everywhere.

Hostess Choco-Bliss

Created in the 1980s for die-hard chocolate fans, Hostess Choco-Bliss was a decadent chocolate snack cake made with layers of chocolate cake and cocoa cream filling covered with a thick, shiny layer of chocolate frosting.

It was often found on shelves or in lunch boxes throughout the late 80s and early 90s. Much richer than your typical CupCake or Ho Ho, Choco-Bliss packs a bigger chocolate punch.

Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.

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Go past the biography

It’s easy to get bored by facts. You could try asking, ‘Where did you grow up?’ because, yes, that question is perfectly fine, yet something like ‘What did you actually like about growing up there?’ is a lot more interesting. Asking for someone’s take or memory of something is useful.

It gets them talking about what things actually mean to them, rather than simply describing what happened. That’s personal. As it turns out, self-disclosure research says that sharing emotional information is a great way for people to become more intimate with each other.

Borrow a little adrenaline

Lively dates are a lot more interesting than ones under bright café lights. You know the kind of date, it’s the one where you go on a roller coaster or play mini golf with each other. Anything that raises your heart rate a little is great for building attraction.

Studies show that physical excitement can spill over into a person’s sense of attraction. That effect is only multiplied when it’s with someone already appealing. Don’t take it as a sign to do anything too terrifying, though. You’re just looking for a bit of mild excitement to energize you both.

Leave a thread hanging

Some people think they have to finish every funny story and debate in one sitting. They’re wrong. Yes, it’s actually better to leave the loop open and for there to be an unfinished shared task. 

Research shows people feel more compelled to return to it later. That part’s important. You can’t just abandon a shared task and leave it there. No, you have to leave it unfinished and have a reason to complete it, then actually return to it later on.

Find the same beat

The activity itself doesn’t matter for this one. What’s more important is doing something together where your timing has to match the other person’s, even just by a little. It could be as simple as throwing a ball back and forth, maybe dancing badly together.

Whatever it is, you want to make sure you do something in sync with the other person. Studies show people feel more positively toward someone after they’ve moved in time with them. Don’t worry if you’re not good at the activity. Being terrible at it might make it more fun, in fact, and the trigger here is doing the same thing at the same moment.

Make it just between you

Shared secrets don’t have to be as serious as you might think, and honestly, it’s probably better if they’re not serious. Just share a little one with the other person. It could be something as basic as telling them you always steal the crunchy fries first or something.

The fact that you have a shared secret is what matters. Those kinds of small, personal disclosures increase your closeness with the other person, and that’s great for your sense of trust. You’ll create a connection. It all starts with having something that feels exclusive to the two of you. 

Let them steer one thing

Don’t feel like you need to plan every little detail yourself. Instead, try giving them a choice that’ll actually lead to the moment changing somehow, like asking them to choose the dessert. Ask them whether to go left or right, as well as whether to sit inside or outside.

It sounds like nothing, but it’s those little choices that matter. You’re giving the other person a chance to give real input, and that’s really important to help your interaction feel more shared. There’s no need for an interview with twelve options, though. One small decision is plenty.

Put the two of you in tomorrow

Two letters can have so much impact. Try saying ‘us’ and ‘we’ during conversations as you talk about the future together. Nothing too serious, of course, you don’t need to start speaking about marriage. But maybe talk about how the other person would lose ‘if we did a cooking contest.’

These sorts of future-based questions get the other person picturing the two of you together. That’s important. As soon as their brain starts building a shared scene, no matter how silly it might be, it helps make the connection seem more concrete.

Make the good moment happen twice

Ask the right question, and good news has a second life. Someone tells you they were offered a new job, and sure, you could tell them, ‘That’s great.’ But you could also be more adventurous. You could ask them, ‘What did they actually say when they told you?’

This sort of question pulls them straight back into the moment, and they get to relive the best part of it. It’s not even that hard to do. Just ask a question when they give you good news, so that you can join in their excitement. You’re not moving on too quickly or merely acknowledging it.

Let them help a little

There’s no reason to do everything yourself. There are plenty of reasons to ask for help. Asking for a favor creates a small sense of involvement, especially when it’s something natural and not staged. 

Research shows that people sometimes like another person more after doing them a favor. That’s probably because our brains like making sense of their own behavior. You’ll have to take care to keep the favor simple, however. Asking them to do a big chore for you won’t help.

Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.

When the preacher became the message

Jim Jones started the Peoples Temple in Indianapolis in the 1950s. He began by presenting himself as a preacher, but it didn’t take long for that to change. His movement soon reached California, and that was when he began talking about himself as being divine.

His followers later said that he’d behave like a father or even God to them. Jones stopped teaching about religion. No, he became a major part of what he expected his followers to believe. That’s what led to their mass suicide at Jonestown in 1978.

A face almost everywhere

Life under Saddam Hussein in Iraq often involved seeing his face everywhere. He ordered that portraits of him appear in schools and offices, along with hotels, stores, and public streets. He had huge statues built of him, too.

There was one office in Baghdad that had four portraits of him, just so employees could see him whichever way they turned. Some of the reconstructed bricks at ancient Babylon had his name carved into them, too. You can’t get more narcissistic than that.

Building the image of Il Duce

Benito Mussolini was very quick to build a special version of himself for the public. He took power in Italy in 1922, and carefully built the character of ‘Il Duce’ that showed him as an unstoppable leader. 

Mussolini was supposedly strong enough to handle just about anything. Every image of him showed him looking physically strong and overpowering everyone, or everything, nearby. ‘Ordinary’ wasn’t part of his political brand.

Praise became part of daily life

It was very hard to avoid public admiration of Joseph Stalin in the Soviet Union. His portraits were everywhere, after all, and flattering paintings of him filled official culture. Schoolbooks were rewritten to give him a bigger role in revolutionary history. 

He had photographs altered so that he could take all the credit, and any purged officials could simply disappear from old images. Yes, he rewrote history to support his own image. He was that narcissistic.

The man with the final answer

David Koresh was born as Vernon Howell in Houston in 1959. He eventually became leader of the Branch Davidians near Waco, Texas, and claimed all sorts of special abilities. He claimed he could interpret the Seven Seals in Revelation, for one.

Koresh taught followers that he had the spiritual answers that others didn’t, and it was all because he was so special, apparently. Anyone who tried leaving the cult would have to face him directly. Put it this way, he genuinely believed he was the only one who could understand scripture. That’s not exactly a humble guy.

The genius at the top

Keith Raniere was someone who liked being treated as though he were unusually intelligent. His cult, NXIVM, gave that idea plenty of room to grow. But before the group ever even became infamous, Raniere had already told people about his allegedly extremely high IQ and unusual abilities. He really thought he was smarter than most people.

Then, inside NXIVM, members called him ‘Vanguard,’ and he made his birthday the center of an annual event called Vanguard Week. Followers gathered for several days of activities, just to celebrate him.

He wanted the name remembered

The main reason Dennis Rader got caught was because of how arrogant he was. He’d gotten away for years with murder in Kansas, but staying anonymous was too much. He contacted newspapers and police anonymously. He described his crimes and created the nickname BTK, or ‘Bind, Torture, Kill,’ for himself.

Rader went quiet for years, but then, in 2004, he started communicating again. He eventually sent police a computer disk that helped identify him. Investigators later described how much he loved the publicity and the kind of powerful relationship he imagined he had with the law. 

The clinicians didn’t know his name

Rader wasn’t the only narcissistic criminal. Serial killer Ted Bundy had a reputation for arrogance, too, although that wasn’t only based on opinion. No, psychologists did an anonymous test on him. Around 95% of those clinicians said he met the criteria for narcissistic personality disorder. 44% considered it a particularly strong example. 

You can’t exactly deny that proof. The psychologists said he showed tendencies of arrogance and manipulation, along with exploitation. He was also aggressive and lacked any modesty. Bundy was executed in Florida in 1989.

A starring role after the apocalypse

Cult leader Charles Manson told his followers that a massive racial war was approaching, and he claimed the Beatles’ White Album contained messages connected to it. Manson was conveniently the Christ-like figure of it all.

He told his followers that they should hide out while society destroyed itself, then emerge afterward and take control. It was an end-of-the-world story, yes. But it was one where he was the center of everything, because that’s exactly how he saw himself.

One man’s word carried enormous weight

Warren Jeffs became president of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in 2002. His authority ran deep in his followers’ daily lives. Since he was their supreme leader, he could decide who got married and how families were arranged.

He announced in 2004 that 21 men were sinners, and he ordered them away from their homes and families. But it gets worse. Jeffs created a system where anyone disagreeing with him was disagreeing with God’s chosen prophet. He had that kind of power over people.

The lie that was supposed to keep working 

Bernie Madoff might not have been a dictator, sure. But he had the confidence of one. He ran a New York investment business for years while secretly operating a Ponzi scheme. It was all built on fake trading records and false account statements.

He had a very grand sense of self, and it seems that he enjoyed tricking people. He also seemed to believe he was smarter than everyone around him. You know, standard narcissistic personality thinking.

Genius came with different rules

Frank Lloyd Wright knew nothing about low self-esteem. The Wisconsin-born architect created Fallingwater and the Guggenheim, so it’s no surprise that he saw himself as more than talented. He thought that his artistic greatness meant that ordinary rules couldn’t control him.

That kind of narcissism went beyond architecture. Wright left his wife Catherine and their six children in 1909 to travel through Europe with Mamah Cheney, who was married too. He also defended the idea that very creative people should have more freedom. How convenient.

He called himself a superstar

You won’t hear most CEOs placing themselves next to greats like Michael Jordan and Bruce Springsteen. Al ‘Chainsaw’ Dunlap did exactly that. He became famous during the 1990s for slashing jobs and costs at companies including Scott Paper and Sunbeam.

He soon developed a reputation for his arrogance that was as large as the cuts themselves. Yes, he considered himself a ‘superstar performer,’ and argued that people at his level deserved huge compensation. Humility wasn’t really his thing.

The general who wouldn’t stay in line

Douglas MacArthur spent many years being treated as one of America’s great military figures. He’d commanded Allied forces in the Pacific during World War II and accepted Japan’s surrender, after all. He came back home with quite an incredible reputation. 

But it gave him a bit too much confidence, as he started questioning President Harry Truman during the Korean War. He tried pushing north at Inchon and openly challenged Truman’s limits. Eventually, Truman fired him because MacArthur was so sure he was right.

Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.