It doesn’t really matter that Canada & the U.S. look quite similar on the surface. The truth is, there are some rather significant differences between the two countries, including some American habits that seem aggressive to Canadians. But they’re not meant to be. They’re simply normal south of the border.
However, in Canada, these same habits feel pushy or even a little confrontational. Here are eleven American habits that feel aggressive in Canada. Which ones have you felt intimidated by before?
Direct refusals without softening language
Americans usually avoid cushioning language when they’re trying to say no, and linguistic research shows that they’ll avoid hedges like “maybe” or “I think.” That’s a problem for Canadians.
People north of the border tend to rely on these buffers more during conversations. Without them, the refusals come across as abrupt or even forceful, despite the fact that there might not actually be any tension.
Touching during conversation
It’s quite common in the United States for people to give light touches during conversations. These might include taps on the arms & shoulders, and according to social psychology research, it’s meant as a sign of expressive communication.
But not in Canada. In fact, most Canadians see unwarranted touches from those outside a close relationship as crossing a boundary, so they might interpret an American who is doing so quite differently.
Interrupting as a sign of engagement
Americans often treat interruptions during a conversation as a sign of enthusiasm or involvement. However, Canadians do not. They don’t see conversation overlaps as being a regular part of group conversations because they tend to believe waiting for your turn matters more.
It’s because of this mismatch in beliefs that American-style interruptions seem a little aggressive in Canada. They don’t see it the same way.
Fast-paced decision pressure
The sales environments in America usually push customers to make quick decisions. It’s not meant to seem aggressive, but rather, it’s simply a standard part of American sales pacing in retail. Yet Canadian transactions usually move more slowly.
As a result, seeing such speed in Canadian stores can make local people feel cornered. They don’t exactly believe that they’re being helped by staff.
Using commanding service language
Sure, it might be fine for Americans to say things like “I need this” or “Get me that” when they’re talking to customer service workers. Such a directive style is common. But in Canada, we usually soften our requests, and that completely changes what we think of commanding language.
It comes across as sharp, or even demanding, over here, so perhaps it’s better to avoid being so direct.
Raising one’s voice at service staff
That’s not all for service staff. Sometimes, Americans treat getting louder with a cashier or service worker as a way to move things along, making shouting & verbal pressure a common part of the job.
The same conversations are much calmer in Canada. Here, we tend to view raised voices as something more aggressive than firm, so we try to shy away from using them when we’re talking.
Competitive conversation framing
You’ll find that the majority of American conversations naturally take on a debate-like structure. They feature quick counterpoints & challenges as part of something that communication research argues as being a competitive style.
It’s an issue in Canada. Over here, we try to go for more of an agreement style instead, and that can make point-scoring exchanges come across as rather tense. They’re not conversational.
High-pressure friendliness from strangers
The social norms in America encourage people to be friendly with strangers almost immediately. That’s why you’ll find them asking personal questions rather early on. But in Canada, social research has found that people prefer others to build rapport in a much slower way.
Warmth that comes too fast can feel more invasive than welcoming. It’s especially noticeable during public settings that are meant to be quieter.
Confronting strangers over rule-breaking
It’s much more accepted in the United States than in Canada to call out strangers in public. It could be about parking or how someone’s behaving. Either way, social norm research shows that Americans are much more willing to start these confrontations than Canadians are.
People north of the border tend to keep their distance instead. As a result, they tend to view being corrected by a stranger as a hostile act, more so than something trying to help them.
Persistent political canvassing
Politics is a divisive topic everywhere. However, in America, political campaigns rely a lot on face-to-face canvassing, and volunteers are trained to keep engaging with other people, even after they’ve been refused. They’ll push through the hesitation.
But you won’t find many Canadians behaving the same way because political outreach here tends to be more brief. Hearing follow-ups after the initial “no” can come across as being aggressive.
Refusing to disengage during arguments
One of the most common behaviors in America involves sticking it out once a disagreement starts. According to argument style research, the United States has a conflict culture that rewards those who choose to continue arguing, yet walking away is a form of giving ground.
In Canada, disengaging is normal. Someone who keeps pressing after the conversation’s done runs the risk of seeming more aggressive than they might intend to be.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
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