Everyone knows kindness matters. But it’s not the only important thing to look out for in a new partner. No, there are a few habits that tell you a lot more about whether someone’s built for the long run. Here are nine habits that show someone is a keeper for life, as per relationship experts and research studies.
What other habits can you think of?
Keeps a short stress-dump chat in the routine
Good partners are those who know how to debrief. After work, they’ll take ten minutes to simply listen, without trying to give advice or think of solutions.
Doing so helps to reset stress levels. It also keeps resentment at bay, since you’re giving each other space to stress-dump & let your emotions off your chest.
Calls a timeout when emotions spike
It’s a similar situation during arguments. A partner who knows when to take a break during heated moments is often the calm one in the relationship.
Physiological studies show that our bodies take around twenty minutes to come down from spikes in stress, so stepping away before your words get tense is useful. It’s damage control.
Doesn’t assign blame when upset
They don’t start blaming you when they’re angry. Instead, they take a step back to focus on what’s happening over who’s wrong in the argument. They might also narrate what they’re noticing.
It helps them slow things down & doing so keeps the arguments shorter. It stops them from spiralling into emotions that could ruin the relationship.
Checks consent before sharing your stories
Assuming your news is theirs to tell? That never happens with someone who’s a keeper, and as soon as something about you comes up, they’ll stop & check.
They want to know whether it’s okay for them to share details about your life. It’s not usually a big deal. They pay attention to what you want to share and what you don’t.
Regulates their breathing during conflict
There are those people who lose their cool & go all in. They’re not keepers. Good partners are those who unclench their shoulders and take a quiet breath, perhaps also pause before speaking.
They’re able to maintain a sense of self-control. Having small pauses stops the arguments from going off the rails, and that’s always good for a relationship.
Revisits unfinished conversations on their own
Some conversations don’t reach a conclusion and people stop talking about it, perhaps to keep the peace. A good partner remembers to bring it up a few days later. But not to argue.
They simply want to close the loop by talking about it, and it shows that they’re actually taking the time to process what happened. They genuinely care about you. They want to reflect to make sure that everything’s going as it should between the two of you.
Holds your reputation when you’re not around
Loyalty isn’t a show for them. Whenever someone gets your story wrong, they’ll set it straight & move on. No fuss.
It happens so subtly that you might not even hear about it unless someone else brings it up later. But they’re trying hard to keep your name safe. They just don’t need a crowd to applaud them for it.
Keeps track of what stresses you but never weaponizes it
They always notice the small things that irritate you, like who, what & when. But they don’t throw them back at you.
Whenever you’re having a bad day, they’ll avoid these topics and pick up the slack because they know it’s not the time or space. They’d rather give you space. It’s much better than causing tension.
Notices when their tone changes and self-corrects
We all make snappy comments sometimes. Yet what separates keepers from the rest is their ability to recognize their anger and say something like, “Sorry, that came out wrong.”
It’s a strong sign of emotional awareness. Conversations about communication skills? They’re meaningless.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
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