I’ve witnessed how hard it is to keep a cool head in an argument. Even when it’s a conflict with a friend, co-worker or family member, the wrong words can turn into big things pretty quickly. But with the right approach, you can defuse tension, build understanding & keep relationships intact. Here are eight great phrases a psychologist shared that can help you to get through the hard times & engage in calm, helpful conversation.
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“I Hear You”
Sometimes all a person really needs is a listening ear. When you say “I hear you,” you respect their opinion without necessarily agreeing with it. This can also reduce defensiveness because it shows you’re listening & taking their point of view seriously. It’s a quick & easy way to validate someone, and often leads them to want to hear back.
“Let’s Find a Solution Together”
When we are feeling upset, we feel stuck in a blame game. Using this phrase turns blame-games around, to problem-solving. It tells them you’re interested in solving the problem & you appreciate their input.
“I Understand Why You Feel That Way”
This phrase is an affirmation that they are being heard, even if you don’t agree with them. You’re not saying yes, but you’re acknowledging & being respectful of what they’re going through. If they’re able to see that they’re not alone, they are likely to be more open to a productive conversation.
“I’m Sorry If I Upset You”
Recognizing the impact of your behavior, even if it was not intended, will calm down frustration & foster trust. This expression avoids defensiveness, because it is about how the other person feels instead of whether you are right or wrong. It’s a good way to show them that you’re concerned about how what you did hurt them, which helps get the matter resolved quicker & clearer.
“Can We Take a Moment to Pause?”
In heated debates, it’s easy to let emotions overwhelm the brain. Requesting a break allows the two of you to take a step back & reflect. And it will keep you from going crazy.
“What Can I Do to Make This Better?”
Saying you’ll try to fix it shows that you’re invested in solving it. This phrase de-orients attention away from the issue & towards solutions. And it’s also a sign of modesty & action, and this can motivate the other to come along for the ride.
“Let’s Agree to Disagree”
Not all disagreements will result in agreement & that’s OK. This term accepts that people can disagree but still respect each other. If you are willing to disagree, then you establish a line by which the dispute does not become a conflict & also demonstrate that you care more about the relationship than you do about “winning” the argument.
“Thank You for Sharing Your Thoughts”
You have to leave on a high note even if you aren’t on the same page. It is an expression of appreciation for what has been said & a recognition of the other’s effort to convey their emotions. It opens the possibility of further discussion & preserves the respect & intimacy that relationships need.
Disclaimer: This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.
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