A toxic relationship is never easy to leave. After it’s finished, many realize painful truths about themselves and their relationship. These realizations are painful – but they’re also part of a process of healing and progress. You might feel that you lost a piece of yourself or that you were treated unfairly. It’s not an easy road to recovery but coming to grips with these facts is an important step in reclaiming your life and your self-worth.
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You Lost a Part of Yourself
After a toxic relationship, many people realize that they have lost a part of their identity. A toxic partner can chip away at who you are – this includes your confidence, your hobbies, or your sense of self-worth. In time, you might have sacrificed things that you’d really valued for peace or to satisfy your partner. At the end of the relationship, you might feel as if you must start over again.
Your Emotional Health Was Damaged
The most painful reality that you learn from a toxic relationship is the extent of your emotional suffering. You’ll be exhausted by constant fighting, criticism, and bullying. You may find yourself drained, anxious, or depressed without understanding how the relationship affected your mental health. It takes time to heal from the emotional wounds eft by someone who did not treat you with care or respect.
You Were Not Loved the Way You Deserve
A toxic relationship will make you doubt your worth. You may have felt that you were loved, but toxic partners simply love themselves. They might tell you things that hurt you, manipulate you or leave you feeling invisible. Once you’ve left the relationship, you might find that love is all about respect, kindness and care, which you never received.
You Stayed Because of Fear, Not Love
Most stay in unhealthy relationships because they’re afraid of being on their own or afraid of change. That thought of how life could be without the toxic lover can take hold of you. You might have told yourself the relationship would get better or that love could cure everything. Yet, after the relationship is over, you realize that it was fear (not love) that trapped you in a negative situation longer than necessary.
Your Boundaries Were Constantly Disrespected
Toxic relationships frequently include boundary-crossing. If someone is invading your space, disrespecting your views or even ignoring your demands, then you can feel powerless. Eventually, you may have become so accustomed to having your boundaries ignored that you stopped standing up for yourself. Once you’re out of the relationship, you realize how much sacrificed your own well-being for the sake of the other person.
You Lost Trust in Others
Being in a toxic relationship can shatter your trust, and the hurt doesn’t always end once the relationship ends. If your partner was dishonest, manipulative or deceitful, it will be hard to trust anyone again. You might also question the motives of new people in your life, even when they don’t have any bad intentions. Rebuilding trust, in both yourself and others, takes time.
You Settled for Less Than You Deserved
In a toxic relationship, you may have settled for less than you deserve because you felt like that’s all you could get. Toxic partners make you unworthy of better treatment and, in turn, you come to embrace unacceptable behavior. After the relationship is over, you are reminded of just how much you allowed yourself to be treated poorly, and how much you deserve respect, love & compassion.
Your Friends and Family Saw It Before You Did
Sometimes, the people closest to you are aware of how toxic the relationship is before you. They might have cautioned you – but you didn’t want to believe it or were too involved in the relationship to know the truth. When the relationship ends, you will be embarrassed or regret that you didn’t listen to their concerns. People who loved you saw what was going on when you didn’t.
You Were Emotionally Drained
It can be exhausting to be in a toxic relationship. The never-ending emotional highs and lows, the drama, the manipulation can wear you down and leave you empty. You might have felt like you were falling in love or trying to fix things, but you were running on empty. And when it’s over, you discover how much emotional energy you invested in someone who wasn’t worthy.
You Can’t Change Someone Who Doesn’t Want to Change
One of the most important lessons to take from a toxic relationship is that you can’t fix someone who doesn’t want to be fixed. You might have tried to provide support for your partner, in the hope that love or compassion could make a difference. But the sad reality is that change can happen only if the person is ready to make the effort. Once the relationship is over, you see that you spent time and energy on someone who was never going to change.
You Were Gaslighted
Gaslighting is a widespread form of manipulation in abusive relationships. It’s when someone calls your reality, your memory or your emotions into question. When you come out of a toxic relationship, you might notice how many times you were told you were “crazy” or “overreacting,” when in reality, your feelings were valid. It takes some time to re-believe in yourself, but recognizing this deception is the first step to healing.
You Need Time to Heal, and That’s Okay
After a toxic relationship, you may feel broken or that you should be over it already. But the sad reality is healing takes time – there is no timeline. You’re allowed to mourn, think and nurture yourself. You’ll be frustrated by how slowly you’re getting better, but it’s important to understand that recovery does not happen in one day, and you will be at peace again.
Disclaimer: This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.
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