Some phrases keep showing up during unhappy marriages, and here are ten things men say when they’ve fallen out of love with their wives a long time ago.
It keeps one side outside
The best way to close a conversation? That’s saying, ‘You wouldn’t understand.’ He’s closed the door completely on trying to share thoughts and feelings. There’s no back-and-forth.
Really, he doesn’t think you’re worth explaining things to.
He’d rather shut it all down. Guys who say this don’t let the other person in at all. It’s a pretty good sign that emotional distance has crept in. It’s pretty hard to come back from that.
It gets smaller fast
Some guys say, ‘Why are you making this a big deal?’ automatically. They don’t want to ask about what actually happened. Instead, they put the focus on their wife’s reaction. These guys brush off their wives’ feelings because they don’t care.
That’s hardly a sign of someone who’s in love. It doesn’t matter whether the issue’s big or small. These guys only want to shut down the conversation at the starting line. Why? Because they already think it’s too much.
It stops being about today
Here’s one that pulls in the past. A guy who says, ‘You always do this,’ doesn’t want to stay in the present. He cares more about history. Essentially, he’s turning a specific complaint into something broader. It’s not the same as saying, ‘This bothered me earlier.’
No, he’s using absolutes like ‘always.’ The original issue has disappeared. He cares more about who you are, rather than what happened. It’s a serious issue.
The door closes early
Sure, saying ‘I don’t see the problem’ sounds calm. But it completely ends the discussion. There’s no chance for the conversation to start, and there are no follow-up questions. Guys who say this don’t want to hear the other side.
Everyone knows that listening and responding are important to relationships. Everyone except these guys, apparently. They’ve decided there’s no problem to look at. No, it’s not the same as disagreeing.
It ends before it lands
The conversation hasn’t fully ended yet. But guys who say, ‘I already said sorry, what else do you want?’ seem to think it has. They really don’t care about repairing things, and their apologies aren’t real either. They’re just a way to get things over with.
However, healthy marriages need more than that. They need some follow-through, like listening or attempts to resolve the tension. Yet these guys treat ‘sorry’ like a full stop. They only want to end the conversation ASAP.
It puts a lid on it
The question ‘Why can’t you just be happy?’ isn’t as innocent as it first seems. It moves away from what was said. Guys who say this are focused on how their wives ‘should’ feel instead. Essentially, they’re ignoring her feelings.
It’s a tricky one because the phrase isn’t a direct argument. It also doesn’t raise the volume. No, it replaces one emotion with another. The original feeling? That doesn’t matter anymore. These guys quit caring about that long ago.
It flips the script
Try telling one of these husbands that you’re unhappy with them. Chances are, they’ll say something like ‘I guess I’m the bad guy then.’ They don’t want to be blamed. So, instead, they’ll act defensively and push any sense of responsibility away.
They’re not prepared to face what they’ve done. Sure, the saying sounds like they’re admitting blame. But they don’t really mean it. Does that sound like a guy who’s in love with his wife? Didn’t think so.
It turns home into a nuisance
Things are about to get real, and he knows that. It’s why he’ll say something like, ‘I work all day. I don’t need this.’ Now he has an excuse for not wanting to deal with relationship issues. It’s a kind of withdrawal.
That’s pretty dangerous in a marriage because it means he’s checked out. He’s not bothered enough to try to stay in it. You can’t love someone and treat them that way.
It makes peace feel like a prop
Yes, you might think he’s asking for a break. After all, what else could the question, ‘Can we just have one normal day’ mean? It turns out, a lot more. For him, a normal relationship involves not talking about problems. That goes completely against what studies say.
You have to be able to confront issues in a marriage. But that’s not what this guy wants. No, he’d rather have silence so he can avoid the discomfort.
It treats talking as the problem
A similar phrase is, ‘Why does everything have to turn into a conversation?’ He doesn’t see the value in talking things through. The topic doesn’t matter because the talking itself is, apparently, a problem. It’s something research calls ‘stonewalling.’
Stonewalling is a good sign that someone’s checked out of a relationship. Interacting? Discussing? Engagement? None of that matters to this kind of guy. He doesn’t want to work through anything together.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.