Many women carry hidden habits that seem completely normal on the surface, yet they can often be traced back to past experiences they may not even realize still affect them today.
Hyper vigilance
Continuously scanning your environment, monitoring slight changes in a partner’s expression, and picking up on the subtle tone of a supervisor’s email are all forms of hyper- vigilance. Although it may feel like being intuitive or hyper-aware, hyper-vigilance is actually your nervous system being stuck in high-alert mode.
It can develop when a woman has had to learn how to operate in unpredictable, chaotic, or unsafe environments where she felt she needed to read a room expertly in order to survive.
Over-explaining
Answering a simple question or making a small mistake can sometimes make a woman spew an overly exhaustive, detailed account of why she did what she did, thinks what she thinks or was where she was.
This tendency can form in childhood or in past relationships where she constantly had to justify her truth, only to be shot down, criticized, or told that she was making a big deal out of nothing.
Hyper-independence
Resisting asking for help (even when totally overwhelmed) and wanting to do it all alone can also be a trauma response. It often comes from growing up with caregivers/partners who weren’t available or unreliable, or only there for her when it was on their terms.
She has internalized the idea that the only person who can keep her safe or do something right is herself.
People pleasing
Consistently sacrificing her own comfort, feelings and needs to please others and avoid conflict is another hallmark response called fawning.
Women who fawn believe they must go to extremes to keep the peace and please others in order to feel safe, valued and accepted. They constantly try to anticipate what others need to avoid upsetting or losing them.
Chronic apologizing
Apologizing for existing, asking a question, knocking over a table or even for something completely beyond their control is second nature to some women.
It’s because they inherently believe they’re bothering others or at fault when something isn’t comfortable in the room. It’s a form of protection used in advance to remove hostility.
Overachieving
Obsessively overworking to be a perfectionist in career achievements or academic excellence can be another method of outrunning shame.
If a woman grew up only feeling praiseworthy or safe when performing as a kid, she may tie her worth as a human being to what she accomplishes externally. This results in intense burnout, as taking a break can feel unsafe or like you’re being lazy.
High tolerance
Remaining in abusive, one-sided, or narcissistic relationships (romantic, platonic, or professional) for far too long is often a sign of having normalized chaos.
If a woman normalized emotional unavailability or boundary crossing growing up, bad treatment is considered normal and acceptable. She will tolerate way more because calm, healthy interactions can actually feel strange or dull to her nervous system.
Deflecting praise
She might brush off a compliment or recognition for a job well done by undermining herself or passing credit off to someone else.
Some might call this modesty, but it can also be self-preservation. To allow herself to accept praise, she must feel vulnerable and believe that she is worthy of praise.
Selective amnesia
Some women discover that they have giant holes in their childhood memories. Or they can’t remember blocks of time during particularly stressful years in adulthood.
The brain self-protects during times of overwhelming distress by segmenting or locking away memories so that the individual can continue to function day to day.
Ghosting
When a relationship, friendship or even a small disagreement becomes challenging, she often wants to cut contact entirely, shut down or run away.
That instant desire to flee is her flight response taking over. Instead of sitting with the feelings involved during a tough conversation, her nervous system is saying she can only remain safe from rejection/pain by leaving entirely.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.