Setting boundaries with others is one of the foundations to having a healthy, lasting marriage.
Sharing secrets
Sharing your secrets or your relationship insecurity with another man makes that person emotionally significant in your life. If you’re hurting, troubled, or excited about something private, it’s your husband you should be talking to.
Sharing intimate things about your marriage and private insecurities with another person builds intimacy with them that should only exist between you and your husband.
Complaints
Talking about your marital problems with another man is a slippery slope. Doing this portrays one side of the story to someone who doesn’t know your husband.
It allows the other person to judge your husband and usually means that the guy will offer encouragement or help that rivals what your husband is giving you.
The next time you find yourself wanting to vent about your husband, talk to him first. If that won’t work, call a girlfriend or seek professional counsel.
Private jokes
Nothing builds camaraderie between two people like exclusive language and private jokes.
When you and another man begin building a private language, you are building a sense of connection that excludes your spouse. You are saying that you two understand each other on a special level that your husband can’t reach.
Flirting
It doesn’t matter if you think you’re just playing around or teasing; a little flirting leads to a lot of encouragement for another man to pursue you. When you test the waters of your attractiveness on another man, you are disrespecting your husband.
You don’t need to prove yourself to other men by making them think you would leave your husband if they pursued you.
Alone time
Any time you and another man are spending alone together, especially if your husband doesn’t know about it, it is a recipe for trouble.
It will create feelings of secrecy that can lead to guilt. If you want to have a marriage that can stand up to criticism, keep your time with other men open to your husband or in group settings.
Making comparisons
Comparing your husband’s shortcomings to another man’s strengths is never healthy. The minute you start thinking or saying things like “He would never yell at me” or “He would make me feel safe,” you’re diminishing the love you have for your husband.
Everyone has faults, and comparing your spouse to someone else’s skillset is unhealthy.
Hiding interactions
Deleting texts, hiding your call history, or lying about where you were because you were hanging out with another man is a one-way ticket to wrecked trust. Secrecy should never be a component of a healthy marriage.
If you find yourself hiding something from your husband, ask yourself why you felt the need to lie in the first place. If you can’t be transparent with your spouse about your interactions with other men, then you shouldn’t be interacting with other men, period.
Emotional support
It’s one thing to have a friend. It’s another thing to rely on that friend to make you happy each day. Do you find yourself texting your guy friends about your day? Sharing your anxieties with them? Turning to them when you’re upset instead of your husband?
If so, you’re emotionally tethering yourself to someone other than your spouse. When you build emotional dependency with other men, you’re creating a backup plan; a Plan B relationship.
Privacy
Speaking about your intimate life with another man is crossing a line of privacy. Any conversations about the intimate things you and your husband do or don’t do should never be shared with another person.
It’s disrespectful to your partner and harms your marriage. Plus, it automatically puts the nature of your relationship with that other person into a physical light.
Ignoring gut
Let’s be honest, your intuition is usually telling you something before you actually cross a line. If you ever start to feel guilty, anxious, or defensive about a friendship, pay attention.
Those feelings aren’t there for no reason, and your instinct is likely trying to save you from trouble. If you ever feel like your husband would be upset with you for spending time with another man, odds are he would.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.