Picking a life partner is probably the single biggest choice you’ll make. Everyone seeks someone who is kind and reliable, but those aren’t the warning signs to look out for. Most of the time, they’re quiet, subtle signs that are buried in someone’s daily routine and easily overlooked.
Keep in mind, marriage doesn’t resolve them, it magnifies them tenfold. So pay attention to the little things now; it could save you from heartbreak down the road.
Before you say “I do,” consider these twelve potential dealbreakers.
Pointless Lies
Living with a liar is draining. You may laugh it off in the beginning, but those little white lies start adding up quickly.
If he can lie about something insignificant, what else is he lying about that involves your future?
Soon, the little stuff will have you questioning everything he tells you. Marriage should be your happy place, not a place where you question what’s real or not.
Power Trip
A man’s actions toward a stranger reveal his heart. When he’s rude to service workers, everyone else is next.
Marriage unmasks a person when they don’t feel like pretending. Seek someone who treats others with kindness, because that’s who you’ll spend life with.
No Apologies
“I was wrong” are three words that can mean everything in a marriage. If he’s unwilling to say them, you will be trapped in the same arguments for years.
When people won’t take responsibility, they generally try to make you wrong instead. You shouldn’t have to play the emotional mom for two adults.
If he values being right more than being loving, then it will all break.
Courtroom Battle
If every discussion becomes a war of egos, you do not have a teammate; you have an opponent.
Someone who is keeping score during an argument is not listening to what you have to say. It turns everyday life into World War 3, and it erodes your trust slowly.
A marriage shouldn’t be a contest to see who racks up the most victories.
Lone Ranger
It makes me nervous when your oldest friend is someone you met six months ago. The friends who’ve been around a while really know your story and call you out on stuff.
Because I don’t know his past, I can’t guess how he’ll deal with long-term relationship issues.
Sociologists claim that if you disappear on your friends, it will become habitual. You will disappear on your mate when times get hard.
Who’s Winning?
It wears you out living with someone who never forgets they did you a favor.
If he keeps score on who washed the dishes or who bought lunch, your relationship will feel icy and transactional. Intimacy builds when you both freely give without concern for who is up or down.
You should have a partner who helps you out of genuine care, not to keep score for later.
Two Faces
If a man is only charming when other people are around, he isn’t being authentic with you.
When you’re by yourselves and, all of a sudden, he goes icy cold, he is demonstrating that his niceness was all an act. You don’t deserve to feel like you have to compete with his persona for scraps of attention.
Once you’re hitched, it’s the private stuff that matters most; if he’s distant then, the whole thing will turn chilly.
Avoidance Is Art
Psychologists say that stonewalling, or chronic avoidance, is a top predictor of divorce.
When a man shuts down serious conversation, he is emotionally irresponsible. Research indicates that healthy couples deal with issues sooner, before resentment builds.
When he retreats into avoidance, your sense of calm is just a cover-up for underlying issues.
Mocking And Taunting
If he makes fun of what you love, he’s making fun of you.
Joking around should be enjoyable for both parties involved, but if it’s constantly directed toward your ambitions or values, it’s harassment.
This jesting takes all the happiness out of your life and fills you with uncertainty. You deserve someone who safeguards your dreams, not someone who makes you ashamed for wanting them.
Ego Before Compromise
If he won’t change his mind, even when he’s blatantly incorrect, he’s proving to you that ego comes before accuracy.
Stubbornness is a big red flag for that reason.
Marriage will inevitably present you with new, weird curveballs. If he can’t accept new information now, he sure as hell won’t be able to compromise when it comes to kids, finances, or careers.
Status Chaser
Notice how he talks or behaves around wealthy or influential people. If he acts like a completely different person when he believes someone can further his status, he’s not being real; he’s being calculative.
A man who only respects a handful of people is telling you that his sweetness is conditional. Marriage is about having someone who respects you for you.
Planning Is Optional
It feels terrifying when you realize you’re the only one thinking about the big picture.
When a man dodges the future, he’s likely just avoiding a life-long commitment.
Relationships force you to deal with reality, like mortgages, family goals, and so on. If he makes any discussion about next year feel like a dragged-out meeting, he’s not playing on your team.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
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