Growing up, most of us experience some form of social rejection—whether it’s being left out at school or not being picked for the team. But for some people, that feeling of exclusion sticks around a lot longer than just a few awkward moments on the playground. If you’ve ever felt like you didn’t belong, or struggled with trusting others because of things that happened when you were younger, you’re not alone. Let’s look at 13 traits that psychologists say adults who were excluded as kids often carry with them into adulthood. You might recognize a few of them in yourself or people you know!
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Difficulty Trusting Others

When children are repeatedly left out, they develop a habit of keeping their emotions to themselves. People who were excluded as children naturally expect negative treatment because they learned to expect it from their early experiences. The idea of others really supporting you feels difficult to accept because it seems too good to be true. You tend to doubt other people’s motives even when they prove themselves trustworthy.
Overcompensating for Approval

After spending many years as an ‘outsider,’ you naturally want approval from everyone. You try too hard to please people – this might be through excessive social engagement or through overly apologizing for things that even don’t need to apologize for. You’re always looking for that pat on the back, trying to feel validated in situations where you might not have to work so hard.
Chronic Fear of Rejection

If you were excluded as a kid, rejection probably feels like a huge blow. The fear stays with you through adulthood and makes you worry about being rejected in various situations. This fear will resurface whenever you try new experiences – starting relationships, joining social groups, going to a new job, etc. You constantly expect rejection to happen even while you have no reason to fear it.
Feeling Like They Don’t Belong

Your childhood experience of feeling excluded continues to affect your life as an adult. No matter where you are or who surrounds you, you never feel like you truly belong. You can feel left out from social gatherings at work and even at home – you feel as if you are not meant to be there. The feeling that you don’t belong can make you feel lonely even when you have people around you.
Chronic Self-Doubt

People who faced exclusion as children start to doubt their own worth as they grow up. No matter how successful you are as an adult & how supportive your relationships are, you still hear that voice telling you that you’re not good enough. Self-doubt might appear at unexpected moments, especially during new projects or social interactions.
Overachieving to Gain Acceptance

When you lacked attention from others earlier in life, you push yourself harder to demonstrate your worth. You might always try to excel at work, or be the most supportive of friends, or try to achieve your personal goals. You push yourself beyond your limits because you believe achievement will make up for the past when no one acknowledged you.
Emotional Distance in Relationships

Being excluded as a child makes you learn to guard your emotions by staying distant from others. You probably struggle to trust people with your inner feelings because you have developed this habit without noticing it – you protect yourself from emotional damage just like you did when others excluded you as a child. The inability to let others close makes it harder to form meaningful bonds even when you want to connect.
A Strong Desire for Control

Exclusion often leaves people feeling powerless. Adults who were excluded as children try to control every aspect of their lives because of this experience. For example, they might micromanage a project at work or be overly controlling in relationships – this is a form of self-defense technique. When you control your surroundings, it becomes harder for others to leave you out.
Difficulty Asking for Help

If you’ve been left to fend for yourself in the past, asking for help can feel like a major vulnerability. Adults who were excluded as kids often feel like they should be able to handle everything on their own – the idea of asking for help can even trigger feelings of weakness or fear of rejection.
Social Anxiety

That fear of being left out or rejected can manifest as social anxiety. Adults fear how people around them will react during group interactions. The simple idea of socializing or meeting strangers causes you anxiety because you fear experiencing the same exclusion you went through before. Therefore, social activities become draining even though you want to connect with others.
Heightened Sensitivity to Criticism

Past experiences of social rejection make you respond strongly to criticism because you feel like the person is rejecting your total self. Feedback from any source becomes difficult to handle due to overreactive emotional responses. It’s like you’re always on guard, ready for someone to knock you down – in your mind, that’s what people did when you were younger.
Difficulty Trusting Their Own Intuition

If you grew up feeling excluded, you might not have always felt heard or validated. Adults who were once left out as children tend to doubt their own instincts & natural sense. They now depend on outside opinions because they never received permission to make their own choices during childhood.
A Desire to Fit In No Matter What

When you felt excluded during childhood, the urge to belong becomes stronger than ever. As a grown-up you may perform actions you dislike or endorse thoughts that differ from your own just to stay within the group. You choose to adapt your behavior to match the group because you fear isolation.
Disclaimer: This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.
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