Anger isn’t always clear. Yes, some people show their fury through yelling or slamming doors, while a number of people keep a calm exterior when they’re frustrated inside. But there are signs of it.
Here are ten subtle signals that someone could be hiding their anger behind their calm behaviour. Which of these have you noticed before?
Over-politeness that ramps up
You hear them give an extra “thank you” and share extra-long pleasantries. You might even notice that their wording becomes unusually formal, just as things start to become uncomfortable. That’s a sign.
Studies on politeness & anger suppression have found that people use fake politeness to hold back their irritation.
Soft-spoken words while their mouth or jaw looks tight
Sure, they keep their tone light & friendly. But you realize that they’ve kept their jaw clenched at the same time, or perhaps their lips are pressed.
Body language research claims that such muscle tension around the mouth is often connected to feelings of anger. It really doesn’t matter how calm their speech may be.
Measured speech
Listen closely for exactly how fast they’re talking. Slow sentences with a bit of hesitation could be a sign that they’re being very careful with their words, especially when they have flushed cheeks.
Research shows that such behaviour is common when people are hiding their feelings. Their anger is under the surface, although they keep their outward calm.
Quick “I’m fine” followed by an instant topic change
They’ll give you a quick “I’m fine,” which doesn’t give you a chance to say anything back. They immediately move on.
Anger suppression therapists have mentioned that fast deflection is a common cover of someone who’s angry. They don’t want their irritation to become an actual conversation. Instead, they choose to cover up the whole thing.
Breathing that stays shallow
You’d be forgiven for thinking that they sound calm enough. But it’s their breathing that gives their feelings away. It’s tighter & quicker, as well as much higher in the chest, than usual.
Psychophysiology groups have researched this phenomenon. They’ve found that shallow breaths suggest that someone’s body hasn’t actually settled, although their face is relaxed.
A subtle tremor in the hands
It’s easy to miss a tiny shake in their fingers. Psychophysiology studies have analyzed something called an adrenaline-linked micro-tremor, a kind of small shake that happens when someone’s feeling strong emotions.
Yes, it’s subtle. But it’s often a reliable sign that someone’s disguising how they truly feel about something.
Their eyes stay focused too long on one spot
They don’t react. Instead, they choose to focus on something that’s not even part of the conversation, like a wall or a decorative piece.
Emotion suppression research has looked into such behaviours. Researchers claim that people are trying to keep their faces still enough that nothing leaks out. They’re not simply staring someone down.
A brief throat swallow
Watch their throat after someone makes a tense comment. Chances are, you might notice them doing a quick & tightened swallow, something that research says is connected to strong emotional arousal.
Your throat muscles tense when you’re angry. Giving a little swallow helps someone to regain a sense of control without being too obvious about it.
Shoulders lifting slightly and staying raised
They’ll try to look comfortable. However, you may see that their shoulders don’t drop & sit a little bit higher, while their neck muscles stay firm.
It’s something that studies on anger and muscle tension have looked at as a sign that someone’s managing their anger quietly. Their voice sounds easygoing. Yet their body’s holding on to that tension without anyone realizing.
Their voice pitch drifts upward slightly
No, they don’t shout. But their pitch creeps up just enough for you to notice that something’s up.
Many researchers have looked into vocal changes under anger arousal. They’ve found that such a shift happens when the body’s tense, but the person speaking is trying to still sound like they have it together. They don’t.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.