Respectful men demonstrate their values through everyday actions that support women’s independence and voice.
Mansplaining
A man who respects women knows that she has the expertise and knowledge about a certain field because he earned it through her own education and experience.
He never “mansplains” by reciting Wikipedia knowledge to a woman. He doesn’t interrupt her to give his own take or talk at her like she can’t comprehend the topic.
Ego Over Safety
He understands women face different safety concerns than he does, and doesn’t take her fears of being attacked personally.
If she doesn’t want to walk through the dark alley and needs to take the long way, he isn’t going to complain about it.
He’s her ally, making sure he’s taking up enough space to keep her safe and not adding to her mental load by dismissing her worries.
Hogging Credit
In the workplace, he makes sure women’s voices are heard. If a woman presents a new idea in a meeting, he won’t repeat it five minutes later as if he thought of it out of thin air.
Not only will he not take credit for her work, but if someone else voices her idea as their own, he’ll be sure to point out who came up with it initially.
Breaking Boundaries
It doesn’t matter what kind of boundaries she’s set, emotional, physical, or professional. He accepts it without question or prodding.
He won’t ask if she “means yes when she says no” or guilt her into giving him what he wants. When she establishes a boundary with him, he understands it’s not a challenge and doesn’t need an explanation.
Belittle Ambition
If she decides she wants more professionally or has big goals for herself, he is her biggest supporter. He never asks her to “take it down a notch” or lean into subjects that are considered “safe” for women to avoid stepping on toes.
He’s her champion, not a secret little nag in the back of her mind rooting for her to fail.
Locker Room Talk
Real respect means shutting down disrespectful behavior wherever you see it. He doesn’t catcall, objectify women, or engage in “locker room talk” behind their backs.
When telling jokes at the expense of women, he will usually voice his opposition and remove himself from the situation rather than rolling over and implicitly accepting it.
Unilateral Decisions
He understands that women have autonomy over their own lives. He doesn’t think he knows what’s best for her or try to decide which job she should take, how she should spend her Friday night, or what she should do with her body.
When it comes to him making decisions that affect a woman, he only offers suggestions if she asks for his help.
Strategic Incompetence
He won’t pretend he doesn’t know how to do basic chores, cook, look after kids, or control his emotions just to avoid learning how.
He views household and emotional labor as something you two will do together, not as a help that he provides to someone else who should magically know how to do everything.
If he doesn’t know how something works, he will take the time to learn.
Speak Over
Whether it’s at a meeting or out at dinner with friends, he makes a conscious effort to listen more and talk less.
He doesn’t jump all over her to force his own agenda into the conversation. If other people try to interrupt or speak over her, he usually speaks up to bring the focus back to her.
All Women Generalizations
He doesn’t use stereotypes or vague generalizations to describe every woman he meets. He knows that just because he may not understand his behavior or decisions doesn’t mean every man will think or act the same way.
He avoids saying things like “women are always…” or “that’s how girls/ladies behave.”
Gaslighting
If she comes to him about something that hurt her feelings, made her angry, or she disagrees with he never tells her she’s “being crazy,” “too sensitive,” or “remembering it wrong” to prove he’s right.
If he did something wrong or hurtful, he won’t make her question her own sanity in an attempt to save face.
Intimidation
He never scares women with his height, loud voice, or bank account. He knows that respect and trust can’t be earned if you’re constantly trying to establish dominance.
He keeps his voice even and doesn’t purposely use his own physical strength to induce fear. He may be strong, but he uses his strength to protect those he loves, not frighten them.
Benevolent Sexism
If a man respects women, he doesn’t view them as fragile or weak. For example, he doesn’t tell her what to do for her own protection, like not inviting her to speak at a meeting because he assumes it’ll be stressful for her; or talking to a rude person on her behalf because he assumes she can’t do it herself.
He sees her as a capable adult who can make her own judgments when it comes to danger.
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What men call “humour” and women experience as contempt
Sometimes the sort of behavior men refer to as “just joking around” can actually feel belittling to women, making them feel angry, unheard, or patronized.