I was in my car after another tiring meal with my girlfriend and I was trying to figure out why I felt so worn out. She didn’t say anything specific to hurt me, but the little pokes and pep talks she made during the evening made me feel like I’d failed her. And she would dismiss it as a “joke” or tell me I was being over-sensitive any time I spoke up. I kept replaying it, hoping I was overreacting but the more I tried to decipher the more confused I became.
The thing is, I had no control over her — bent over backwards to hold my head while she kept me on my toes. I am going to share with you 10 things I did when I was under her narcissistic spell.
Featured Image Credit: Pexels.
Second-Guessing Everything I Do
I used to be confident in what I wanted, but with her, I’d second-guess even the most trivial decisions. If I made plans, she would do whatever she could to make me feel that it was a bad idea. I’d start wondering if she’d approve, and it soon became just easier to not make decisions at all. Now I realize that I was losing my voice in her presence.
Saying Sorry for How She Feels
One night, we were out with our friends, and she barely said a word. I felt nervous all the way, like I needed to muck it up. By the end of the evening, I was apologizing for not knowing she wasn’t in the mood to socialize. She never asked me to apologize, but somehow I was guilty of her mood — and she didn’t stop me from taking responsibility.
Always Looking for Her Approval
I remember telling her about a project I’d just finished, hoping for a “congrats,” but she just said, “Cool.” I’d downplay my own achievements, thinking maybe I was making too big of a deal out of things, just to get a scrap of approval.
Getting Caught Up in Her Mood Swings
She’d tell me how much she loved me some days, and I’d feel awesome. And then, no sooner than later, she’d grow distant, for no apparent reason. I remember one weekend, it was our anniversary dinner and she canceled plans last-minute with a one-line text. No explanation. I spent the whole weekend wondering what I’d done, refreshing my messages for hours, desperate for any sign she still cared.
Making Excuses for Things I’d Never Tolerate
There was a time she didn’t show up for an event that meant a lot to me. I was embarrassed, covering for her with my friends, saying she was “just really busy” when she hadn’t even told me why she skipped it. I’d excuse her behavior to others, but deep down, I felt humiliated.
Thinking It Was My Job to Keep Her Happy
If she was having a bad day, I would do everything I could to make her feel better, shifting my plans, giving up what I was doing to be with her. I’d send thoughtful texts, offer to bring over food — anything to distract her, even at the expense of my own.
Ignoring My Own Boundaries Without Noticing
She’d ask for little “favors” that didn’t seem like much at first, but over time, I realized I was doing things I didn’t want to do, just to make her happy. I’d say yes, even when I felt uncomfortable, and eventually, I felt like my own wants didn’t even matter.
Keeping My Wins to Myself to Avoid Drama
I stopped telling her about anything I was proud of, especially if it involved attention from others. I once got a promotion at work and shared it with her, only to be met with silence and a change of topic. After that, I avoided talking about anything that made me feel accomplished, just to keep the peace.
Stuck and Too Scared to Walk Away
I knew I wasn’t happy, but I couldn’t end things with her. She’d tell me that “nobody understood her” the way I did, and I believed it. I felt responsible for her happiness, like I was abandoning her by even thinking of walking away.
Coming Up with Reasons to Stay
Even when my friends nudged me saying I might be better off without her, I’d defend her. I’d say, “She’s not always like this,” or “She always had a tough life.” Deep down, I was hoping she’d change, clinging to the good moments and telling myself they outweighed the bad.
Drifting Away from Friends and Family
In the long run, I began to miss the people I cared about. I noticed I was seeing less of the people who mattered to me. She’d make subtle comments about my friends or family, questioning their intentions or suggesting they didn’t really care about me. Gradually, I started distancing myself from my loved ones, not wanting to upset her or deal with her disapproval. I look back now and can see how alone I’d become — depending on her for everything, and losing people who would’ve seen through her.
Disclaimer: This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.
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