Baby boomers may have thick skin, but certain comments and behaviors can hurt far more than younger people realize.
The little correction
Nothing rubs in more quite like explaining how to use a phone feature they already know how to operate. Lots of seniors are fine with asking for help when they need it; it’s the presumption that they won’t know how to do something because of their age that can be insulting.
The slow voice and overly simplistic language can sting more than technology itself.
Plans without them
It can really sting to discover the family planned dinner, a birthday, or a weekend getaway without even asking if they wanted to attend. They may have said no, of course, but still being able to choose yourself matters.
No one likes finding out other people secretly decided you were too old to enjoy something.
Three little words
“At your age?” can change what should be exciting news into mortifying news in the blink of an eye. Whether they’re dating, opening a bakery, getting a tattoo, backpacking through Europe, or learning how to surf, the phrase implies they somehow entered an age where they shouldn’t be having those experiences.
The empty chair
They share an anecdote at dinner and realize everyone else has silently gone back to their phones. It’s not necessarily malicious, but being trapped around family that ignores you hurts more than being alone. Attention is one of the easiest ways to show someone they still matter.
The running joke
Boomers can joke about themselves, but all jokes can turn sour when your generation is the punchline of them all the time. Hearing that you can’t work the remote, bankrupted the economy, have out-of-touch opinions, and can’t relate to life today can make someone feel like they are being scapegoated for an entire generation that they didn’t necessarily represent themselves.
No need to ask
Adult children may start making decisions for their parents rather than with them. This can be about driving, finances, traveling, where they should live, or what they shouldn’t be doing anymore.
While concern is likely valid, having your voice taken from your own life can feel like losing your independence before you’ve actually lost the capacity for it.
Already heard it
“You’ve told me that story before.” is technically 100% true, but can feel painful when said impatiently. People tell their favorite stories at every age, and seniors may especially love telling stories from memories they held dear.
Occasionally biting your tongue and listening another couple of minutes can be more compassionate than declaring that you know how it ends.
Suddenly invisible
It can feel humiliating to be ignored by a waiter, salesperson, receptionist, or even family member while they speak directly to the younger person beside you. It tells you that they no longer see you as the person worth talking to. Age doesn’t automatically invalidate someone’s ability to respond to their own inquiries.
A smaller role
They may have been the go-to person for advice, help, loans, recipes, fixes, babysitting, and answers for years. Then slowly nobody needs them. Even if that shift is an organic process, recognizing that you’ve become dispensable can cause a subtle grief.
The surprised compliment
“You look great for your age” is meant to be a compliment, but those last three words can really sour things. They may hear the implied criticism that you’re only supposed to look this good before you hit their age. “You look great” says exactly what needs saying without making their birth year a prerequisite.
The family update
Finding out big family news from Facebook or through a third party can sting more than younger generations anticipate. Sharing news of a new job, engagement, pregnancy, relocation, or life-changing decision may seem totally appropriate to post in a group text.
However, someone who grew up hearing family news first over the phone may take the indirect sharing as a sign they’ve fallen lower on the list of loved ones.
Everything is outdated
They suggest a place to eat, reference an old film, share a home life hack, or say “my father would do it this way…” and someone instantly brands it as antiquated. Just because something is old doesn’t mean it’s better, but it also doesn’t become obsolete because there wasn’t an app for it.
If you insult someone’s knowledge often enough, it’ll start feeling like you’re insulting the person who knows it.
Taking the keys
Few things say freedom like being able to go wherever you please. Driving may eventually become unsafe for somebody, and tough conversations will need to happen. But throwing out comments that someone is “too old to drive” can sting. For seniors, the implication isn’t about the car. It’s about independence.
No room for things
Old dishes, photographs, books, furniture, letters, or collections can be viewed as junk that needs tossing by family members. Those knick-knacks could hold 50 years of memories and relationships to loved ones who have passed on to the owner. “Just throw it away” can sound less like cleaning out a house and more like someone saying your life has no value.
As if they’re gone
Imagine how it feels when family members are talking about your health, money, living situation, or future in front of you. It hurts even if people think they’re being supportive. Speaking about an older adult instead of directly to them can make them feel unseen. Just because you age doesn’t mean you give up your right to have a seat at the table.
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