Someone may smile and act friendly, but some of the phrases they use can reveal how they really feel about you.
Quiet disbelief
“If you say so” can be entirely benign. It’s all in the tone. Used sarcastically, it lets someone dismiss what you’re telling them without having to discuss it. You relay an event that occurred, explain an achievement you earned, or voice an opinion you hold. They reply as if they don’t fully believe you.
Left off the list
“I forgot to invite you” can be convincing the first time. But if they keep forgetting many times, the excuse is no longer believable. Maybe you’re always the last to know about get-togethers, group lunches, or weekend plans. Sometimes, instead of blatantly telling you they don’t want you there, a person will just leave you off the list and provide a cute explanation.
Conversation over
There are few things more dismissive than hearing “whatever.” We all utter it when we’re angry sometimes, but when you’re speaking your feelings or explaining something and the other person throws “whatever” in your face, they’re taking it up a notch. They’re communicating that they’re not going to pay you any mind, instead of trying to counter your argument or politely disagree.
Talking down
“You wouldn’t understand” can sometimes be used harmlessly, but can also be said as a way of making someone feel inferior. Rather than take the time to explain something to you or let you in on the conversation, they declare that you wouldn’t be able to understand.
Zero interest
“I don’t care” may seem innocuous when debating between Chinese or Thai food. It’s another thing entirely when you’re talking about something meaningful to you.
They may not care about every topic that interests you (and no one should be expected to), but people who care about you generally make some effort to listen because you care about it.
Not impressed
You share some positive news and get a flat “good for you.” The words should be congratulatory, but the way they are said can leave you feeling like they mean just the opposite. If a person truly cares for you, they will usually display some excitement when something significant goes well for you.
If your successes are met with a cold response, no probing questions, or an attempt to change the subject right away, resentment could be lurking just beneath the courteous words.
Turning it on you
Saying that something offended you or upset you and being met with “you’re too sensitive” shifts the attention off of what happened and on to how you responded. You may have overreacted, but saying you’re too sensitive doesn’t solve the problem. Someone who doesn’t like you may say that to you to divert the fact that they were behaving too harshly.
Brace yourself
“No offense, but” has gotten such a bad rap because offensive things often come after it. Sometimes people legitimately have to deliver harsh criticism, but others say it to give themselves preemptive permission to insult you. They know what they’re about to say will offend you, but they say it anyway with a disclaimer first.
Truth as a weapon
“I’m just being honest” sounds logical, but notice what phrase follows those four words. Sometimes people justify being rude about your looks, choices, smarts, or personality under the guise of honesty. If they don’t care how their honesty makes you feel, that’s not really being honest; that’s just being cruel.
A hint of envy
You tell them about your vacation, new job/promotion, new house, happy relationship, or another positive occurrence and they say, “Must be nice.” Sure it is, but hearing this over and over can make feeling happy about your accomplishments something you should feel guilty about. Instead of congratulating you, they stack their life up against yours.
Behind the laugh
“I was only joking” is such an easy way out when someone’s joke has crossed the line. Light teasing can occur between friends, but there’s a fine line between laughing with someone and always joking at someone’s expense. People may tease you about your insecurities, faults, looks, weight, or private life and then make you feel guilty for not laughing along.
So predictable
“That’s so you” can be said lovingly between friends. But know that it can also have a bite that stings. However, if someone is using this phrase every time you mess up, forget something, make a bad choice, or have an embarrassing moment, they’re defining your whole character by one mistake.
Here it comes
“Don’t take this personally” often signals that you will be receiving something that is very personal. Sometimes it’s valid and work-related, when something really does not concern you as a person. Other times it’s a preface to remarks about your character, competence, looks, or behavior.
Not their concern
“That’s not my problem” sometimes helps to create healthy boundaries. You can’t fix everyone’s problems all the time. But, context is important. If someone utters those words even when you’re only asking them to listen or understand (and not trying to get them to do anything about it), then they’re sending a message of intentional cruelty.
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