Thinly veiled insults come in many forms, but they always share a common goal: belittling someone else while pretending to be something they’re not.
Jokes
“Can’t you take a joke?”
This is used almost exclusively when calling someone out for an insult that either missed the intended target or actually hurt someone’s feelings. Calling the victim insensitive allows the offender to dodge accountability for their own rudeness while gaslighting them into thinking they’re overreacting.
Honesty
“I’m just being brutally honest.”
Almost nobody who says this is actually more concerned with brutality than honesty. Brutal honesty is simply a way to excuse oneself from offering unsolicited, harmful critiques without needing to bother filtering that criticism through even the slightest decency, tact, or emotional intelligence.
Offense
“No offense, but…”
When you say this, you’re buying yourself moral cover before you launch into a carefully crafted, purposeful attack. You’re using it as verbal permission to do whatever you’re about to say, foolishly believing that because you warned someone, it means you’re absolved for whatever cruelty you’re about to unleash.
Transaction
“I’m only nice when people earn it.”
This mentality towards interactions with others is chillingly sociopathic. If someone treats other people this way, they see every relationship as transactional and get off on emotionally blackmailing people into being whatever they want them to be. They can excuse being rude to others because that other person “didn’t do anything to deserve it.”
Drama
“I hate drama, but…”
You know the people who say this. More often than not, they are the biggest culprits of the drama they say they can’t stand. Starting with that phrase leads them to gossip and cause trouble behind other people’s backs, only to laugh about it while acting like a carefree outsider.
Deserving
“They brought it on themselves.”
Someone with a sadistic streak who is void of basic empathy will rationalize another person’s suffering or tragedy using this mentality. It lets them pat themselves on the back for feeling superior while utterly disregarding someone else’s pain as a deserved repercussion, no matter the situation.
Helpfulness
“I’m only telling you for your own good.”
When someone wraps a horribly insulting or disheartening comment in this statement, they are disguising an act of true meanness as mentorship or helpfulness. This line is a passive-aggressive way of making someone feel like they should be thankful for your abuse.
Overreacting
“It’s really not that big of a deal.”
Diminishing someone else’s pain or suffering allows you to control someone and deny them comfort. If someone uses this phrase to brush off another person’s legitimate hurt feelings, they are showing you that they prioritize their comfort over yours.
Truth
“Someone had to say it.”
This phrase excuses needlessly cruel or inappropriate language by framing it as an act of leadership that had to happen. The speaker flatters themselves by imagining they’re doing everyone else a favor, when really, they just happened upon a polite workaround to say something hurtful.
Apologies
“I’m sorry you feel that way.”
This non-apology somehow manages to refuse to take any responsibility for hurting someone or saying something cruel or insensitive. It doesn’t apologize for what the speaker said or did at all. It completely centers the victim’s feelings instead, apologizing for how you feel instead of how they behaved.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.