Big arguments that cause distance in a marriage after decades together, but most husbands gradually slip away from their wives because of tiny repeated habits.
Constant criticism
If a wife focuses on every mistake her husband makes, from how he loads the dishwasher to his driving skills, he’ll quickly feel hopeless.
Men love to feel adored and respected by their wives. When criticism is all he hears, he’ll shut down emotionally to avoid hurting himself.
Emotional scorekeeping
Reminding a husband of mistakes he made ten or twenty years ago is not going to help a wife win the current argument. Scorekeeping tells him that he will never be good enough to earn her forgiveness.
He’ll live in the negativity of always being in the wrong. He’ll eventually tune the wife out because he won’t feel emotionally safe connecting with her.
Taking for granted
It’s easy not to say “thank you” after being with someone for decades. If a wife treats her husband’s hard work, household help, or emotional support as a basic obligation rather than a gift, the spark of appreciation dies.
Husbands lose interest when wives take them for granted. Thanking him and showing him you notice all that he does will only fuel his attraction to you.
Boring talk
Ever noticed how couples sound when they’ve stopped being lovers and become co-workers? They focus on the logistics of running their lives. Who’s going to pay the bills? How are we going to pay for college? What are we going to do about the kids?
When couples stop sharing their thoughts, dreams, and silly stories with each other and focus only on what needs to get done around the house, married life becomes boring.
Avoiding intimacy
Physical changes are natural over 50, but giving up on making the time to be physical kills his attraction. For most men, physical touch is their primary way of feeling close and emotionally connected to their wives.
When a woman turns sex into an obligation or always says no without talking, he’ll feel rejected as a man.
Chronic negativity
Between jobs, bills, and the political climate, no one is happy all the time. But if a house is constantly filled with negativity about the news, neighbors, or health problems, a husband will start to tune others out.
If there isn’t any laughter or lightness in your relationship, he will look for distraction elsewhere. Rather than spending time with family, he may find himself escaping to hobbies, work, or TV.
Neglecting care
No one likes the idea of getting old. But wearing sweatpants every day and forgetting to put on deodorant sure sends a bad message.
It’s not about attracting another man or being vain. When one partner stops trying to take care of themselves on the outside, often times the mind and relationship follow.
Over-mothering
Reminding him to put on a coat before leaving, questioning what he eats, or managing his schedule can be emasculating for a husband. Most people want a partner in a marriage, not a second mother.
A husband should have the right and freedom to make his own mistakes and learn from them.
Stonewalling
Whether it’s the silent treatment or cold walk-aways, refusing to talk kills all interest. A husband will be left confused and wondering what he did wrong if a wife shuts down during an argument.
Stonewalling prevents problems from being solved and creates distance. Distance makes him want to stay on his side of the wall instead of trying to connect with her.
Making assumptions
When a couple has been together for many years, it’s completely understandable to assume you know what he’s thinking. However, jumping to conclusions without asking questions will ruin a relationship.
When a wife stops trying to understand who their husband is today, she falls into a dull routine. People change in their 50s and 60s, too. When one stops caring about learning new, grown-up versions of each other, a marriage will feel dated and boring.
Eye rolling
Small put-downs like eye rolling, scoffing, or implying his ideas stink tell a husband his wife doesn’t respect him. Respect is one of the foundations of a happy marriage, and contempt is the number one predictor of divorce.
Think you can hide those eye rolls from your husband? He sees them and will disconnect from you emotionally.
Total independence
Every woman should have hobbies, friends, and time apart from their husband. However, when a wife never asks for help or advice, it makes him feel useless.
Most men feel like they provide and protect their family in some way.
Public embarrassment
Making jokes at his expense or telling stories that make him look stupid is never okay. Just because a wife lived with him for decades doesn’t mean she can disrespect him around others.
If a husband feels his wife won’t defend him in public, he’ll retreat in private. Protecting each other in social settings is important for maintaining attraction.
No play
Life can be stressful after 50. Kids leave home; parents need help, and health scares are common. But when a couple loses that ability to be playful, flirtatious, or adventurous, marriage becomes a drag.
The relationship becomes about chores and bills instead of building a life with your best friend.
Ignoring dreams
Men don’t lose dreams as they turn 50 or 60. Maybe he wants to learn how to paint or start a new career. Perhaps he wants to travel or write a book. If the wife shoots down his ideas and constantly gives him reasons why he can’t, then she becomes a problem.
Couples that encourage each other’s dreams and ideas stay interesting to one another. When a husband thinks his wife is the reason he can’t do something, he will lose interest.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.