People with great skills sometimes don’t sound sure of themselves and I’ve been hearing a lot from hiring managers, team leaders, and communication coaches about the same problem. The cause is often tiny phrases they don’t even notice saying. Here are 14 they think can hold you back.
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“I’m just throwing this out there…”
When you start a sentence this way, you sound casual, not committed. If it’s a good idea, why hesitate? Why not present it and let the listener decide whether it matters?
“I’m no expert, but…”
If you need to back up what you’re about to say with expert authority, then fine. Otherwise, leading with this is unnecessary and instantly undermines your argument (even if you’re right). You can present what you know without feeling the need to call out what you don’t.
“This may be obvious, but…”
Prefacing an idea with “This may be obvious, but…” suggests you question the value of your own idea. Eliminate the hedge and state your idea simply.
“I might be wrong, but…”
It’s a nice, polite phrase. But it also has the effect of sowing in people’s minds that you probably are wrong before you even begin to explain your point.
“This might sound stupid, but…”
Even if what you have to say is in fact the opposite of stupid, by prefacing your idea with this phrase you’ve made it seem less worthwhile. When you put low bars in front of yourself on purpose, people perceive everything that follows through that filter.
“Does that make sense?”
A lot of the time, we ask this after every other sentence as if we don’t trust that we can convey a thought to the other person. It’s a weak attempt at asking for reassurance instead of just being confident. Try saying, “Let me know if you’d like me to explain that further.”
“If that’s okay with you…”
Asking permission for stuff you have every right to do (like asking questions) makes you sound like a needy little kid. The “If that’s okay with you…” in your requests can even make your own plans sound tentative, like you’re only presuming to do something and might take “No” as an answer.
“I’ll try to…”
Say you’ll do something you mean to do, and when you can’t make it, just say you can’t. “Try” implies you’re already deciding not to make it. It makes a promise into a shot in the dark. Or, if you genuinely can’t commit, tell people what you can commit to.
“I’m not sure, but…”
So you’re a tiny bit uncertain. That’s fine, but when you start with that it’s a signal to listeners to discount everything else you’re going to say. Honesty is one thing, but this is broadcasting self-doubt.
“It’s just my opinion…”
This tells the person you’re speaking to that what you have to say is somehow inferior to their perspective. It’s an implied “go ahead and ignore me if you want.”
“If that makes any sense…”
You use this when you think what you just said may not have been clear, but it also tells the listener it probably wasn’t. A stronger approach is to say your piece and simply ask if anything needs clarifying.
“I guess what I’m trying to say is…”
You’ve been groping for the right words. Your listener is now groping for meaning. It says you might not have been too sure of it yourself.
“Sorry, but…”
Beginning harmless statements or requests with “sorry” can wrongly suggest you lack self-assurance.
“Maybe this isn’t important, but…”
It tells the other person in advance that your words might not carry much weight, even when they actually do. Just state it and let them judge whether it’s a big deal.
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