Recognizing these signs can help you in understanding family dynamics and separate your identity from any misplaced blame.
You Apologize More Than Others
If you apologize often, even when you are not the one who has caused the offense, then you are probably not at fault. In most households, it is always one person who is held responsible for everything.
If this is you, you probably don’t mean to cause trouble, but just to clean up. Whoever is actually making trouble almost never apologizes. Instead, they blame others.
You Avoid Arguments
Do you go out of your way to avoid conflict? You could keep silent when something upsets you, because you don’t want to offend anyone.
That is a sign that you are trying to maintain the family unit rather than break it. People who are the real source of conflict often don’t think twice before starting arguments or complaining.
If you are always choosing your words carefully & suppressing your emotions to keep the peace, you obviously aren’t a problem. Rather, it’s you who is attempting to stop things from getting worse.
You Take on Responsibilities Others Ignore
If you are the one taking on tasks that no one else really wants to do, you’re not the issue. For example, perhaps you’re the one that pays the bills or gets the laundry done or has family plans organized.
That is often because families depend on whomever is most reliable to handle everything.
And if others in your family don’t do anything or leave everything to you, it’s not because you’re bothering them; it’s because they’re assuming you’ll take care of it.
You’re Often the Mediator
Are you there to mediate a fight or resolve conflict between relatives? If so, then you’re not the problem. It is generally the mediators who want everybody to be happy, and make sure that things don’t go out of hand.
If you’re the one everyone goes to for advice or to fix things up, it’s because they know you’re trustworthy and fair.
You Feel Drained After Family Interactions
When you’re spending time with your family and find yourself drained emotionally, it’s possible that you’re carrying all the weight of the family’s emotions.
People who themselves are the cause of the trouble often feel energized or justified after stirring up drama. Conversely, if you’re the one trying to keep it all together, it’s tiring.
You can walk away from family events feeling stressed or overcommitted, not because you did anything wrong but because you’re making sure that everyone is okay.
You’re Overly Criticized for Small Mistakes
Do family members criticize you over small issues s,uch as forgetting a small task or making an honest mistake? This can occur when someone gets wrongly identified as the “problem” of the family.
When you’re constantly criticized, you might feel that it’s all your fault. But criticizing is often just a way for others to deflect attention from their own issues. If you’re being singled out for things that others get away with, it’s likely that the real problem isn’t you.
You Feel Like You’re Walking on Eggshells
If you’re constantly feeling that you have to tiptoe around certain family members in order not to make them angry, you’re not the issue. Troublemakers usually don’t worry about what their behavior does to others.
But if you’re constantly trying to avoid saying or doing the wrong thing, that’s an indicator that you care about other people’s feelings. This is common in families where a person or couple dominates the situation and everyone else must adjust themselves to maintain harmony.
Your Concerns Are Often Ignored
If your concerns are not heard or dismissed, this happens when families aren’t willing to tackle the root of their problems and blame somebody else.
If you are shushed or told you are “too sensitive” when you express legitimate objections, that isn’t because you’re the issue. It’s more likely that they don’t want to be responsible for what they are doing.
You Often Feel Like the Outsider
If you feel like a stranger to your family, it doesn’t mean you are the problem, just different and that no one else will ever understand you or appreciate you.
Perhaps you are smarter, more caring or self-sufficient than the rest of your family and it bugs them.
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