Not everyone is so happy to accept responsibility. The truth is, most people rely on using a few phrases to take the spotlight away from their choices & onto someone else entirely, even when they don’t realize they’re doing it.
Here are twelve things people say to shift the blame. Which of these have you noticed someone saying recently?
“If you hadn’t mentioned it, I wouldn’t have lost it”
Researchers who have looked into domestic violence claim that sentences like “If you hadn’t mentioned it, I wouldn’t have lost it” allow people to redirect the blame onto someone else.
Such a sentence makes the timing of the conversation the problem, rather than the behaviour, moving the focus away from the person who did it. It becomes a reaction that wasn’t their choice at all.
“How could you bring this up when you know how tired I am?”
Another common tactic is to blame the context by saying something such as, “How could you bring this up when you know how tired I am?”
Researchers say that people point to exhaustion or stress, perhaps even a long workday, as the reason for their reaction, and that allows what they’ve done to be ignored. Factors outside of the person’s control are now the problem.
“I’m just being honest, someone has to tell you”
Using the truth as a shield is apparently a common method for people to shift the blame to a completely different person, and that’s what the sentence “I’m just being honest, someone has to tell you” accomplishes.
The person saying it is no longer responsible for how their words come across. They’re simply sharing facts & trying to help you out, apparently.
“Everyone else thinks the same thing about you”
Claiming that other people feel the same way is something people will do to give their words more support while also making it seem as though everyone else is to blame.
They’ll make a claim like, “Everyone else thinks the same thing about you.” According to research, it makes it harder for you to push back because it makes it seem like the crowd is responsible.
“You made me do this”
A person who wants their behaviour to seem like a reaction, rather than a decision, will say something along the lines of, “You made me do this” because it suggests the other person is to blame.
Studies claim that such wording makes it seem as though the speaker didn’t have alternatives. It’s now the fault of the person on the receiving end that the drama has happened.
“That’s just how I am. I can’t help it”
Some people rely on the idea that a leopard can’t change its spots by saying, “That’s just how I am. I can’t help it,” when they’ve done something wrong.
Researchers say certain people use it to make a habit or reaction seem like it’s fixed. It becomes an unchangeable trait that allows that person to avoid engaging with whatever behaviour was causing problems among you.
“You’re the only person I have these problems with”
Making someone seem like the outlier is a classic way to make them seem like they’re the cause of the issue, not the speaker. People will say, “You’re the only person I have these problems with,” so that you think you’re the only one with such an issue.
Comparing you to other people takes attention away from the problem & shoulders you with the blame.
“I guess I’m just the bad guy”
Relationship experts have said that people often use the line, “I guess I’m just the bad guy,” to shift blame away from themselves, as they don’t want to talk about what happened.
Such a phrase puts the focus on the speaker feeling they’ve been wronged & makes the conversation center around soothing them. The behaviour that created the issue isn’t important anymore.
“You should have reminded me”
Some people will try to avoid responsibility, even in everyday plans, and they’ll point-blank refuse to admit that they missed something, choosing instead to move the blame to whoever “failed” to remind them.
They’ll say, “You should have reminded me,” so that they no longer have to own their mistakes. Rather, it’s now somehow your fault for failing to let them know about it.
“Nobody told me about this”
A similar way of shifting blame involves saying, “Nobody told me about this,” and it’s something you’ll hear people using whenever deadlines get closer or tasks become difficult.
Workplace accountability research says that the phrase works to redirect the blame towards co-workers for not communicating. People frame it as a missing update so that they don’t take the blame.
“I was just following orders”
Not all shifts in responsibility happen sideways, as some people will choose to move it upwards by saying something like, “I was just following orders.”
Researchers have seen people using similar phrases time & time again, and they work by naming a superior to distance someone from a choice. Yes, the action happened, but now the blame’s on whoever gave the instructions.
“Nobody’s perfect”
What greater way is there to remove any sense of blame than by using general truths?
Studies on blame say that people use phrases such as “Nobody’s perfect” to turn the moment into a comment on human imperfection so that the mistake gets framed as ordinary. Nobody ever addresses the original behaviour because it’s now simply a part of being human.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.