When a woman survives hardship, trauma, or emotional/financial struggles, she learns a set of behaviors to either shield herself from more pain or to survive.
Sometimes these habits are obvious. But other times, they manifest in quieter ways.
Observation
Walking into a room, she doesn’t always immediately rush to be the center of attention. She surveys her surroundings, where the exits are, how people are acting, and what the “vibe” of the room is like.
She’s not judgmental; she’s just used to knowing her surroundings like the back of her hand because it’s the best way to stay safe. She’ll listen more than she’ll speak initially because she’s gathering her information and making sure it’s okay to let her guard down before she does.
Independence
Extreme independence is one of the dead giveaway signs that someone has been through more than they let on. If something goes wrong, her first instinct isn’t always to pick up the phone and ask for help.
More likely than not, she will try to solve the problem herself. While this allows her to conquer most tasks on her own, it also means she has a really hard time accepting help from others.
Silence
Silence can be golden for someone who’s experienced a lot of internal or external chaos. She doesn’t feel the need to talk through every “awkward” silence during a conversation because she enjoys it.
She also may cherish her alone time more than most; it’s the only time that she doesn’t have to perform for anyone or take care of anyone else. When she’s by herself, she can finally relax.
Senses
She’ll know if her partner is slightly annoyed with her before he even knows he’s annoyed himself. If he snaps at her for a small mistake or sends a short, passive-aggressive text, her senses will shoot off like fireworks.
She knows how to read people like a book because, for years, her safety depended on her knowing the “forecast” before taking a chance. She’s highly empathetic but also can fall into the trap of analyzing people’s behaviours too much.
Personal
She can be the life of the party and have you laughing so hard you cry, but when it comes to discussing her personal history? She keeps those cards close to her chest.
You could know everything about her favorite music, job, and books, but know nothing about her childhood or why she feels the way she does about certain things.
She guards her trust like rare currency. She knows how valuable it is and also knows exactly how much it costs her when that trust is broken. It takes years and plenty of consistency for her to unlock the vault.
Preparation
Whether it’s for work or a simple dinner date, she’s always over-prepared. She has backup plans for her backup plans, because she spent too much of her life watching things fall apart or not go at all.
If she prepares and plans for everything, maybe she can avoid future catastrophes. She always has a backup charger, snacks, and an emergency kit in her car for that exact reason.
Humour
Laughter is how most people deal with trauma and pain, which means that a girl who has been through hell will probably have a very sarcastic, witty or dark sense of humor.
She’ll laugh at bad jokes because she’s already experienced worse things in person. By joking through things with irony or sarcasm, heavy topics don’t hit her so hard.
Compliments
Tell her she looks pretty or that you’re proud of her work, and she’ll look away or make a joke about it. She’s been so busy trying to keep herself alive or keep other people alive that she forgot how to love herself along the way.
Compliments make her feel unsafe or like the other person is expecting something in return. She gives much more freely than she accepts.
Support
If she sees someone taking advantage of another friend, yelling at a server or being flat out rude, she will take their side without question.
Bullies and disrespect of any kind motivate her more than anything else. She knows what it’s like to feel invisible, unheard, and used.
That kind of pain is a big trigger for her, and she won’t stand anyone else being treated that way.
Appreciation
She doesn’t need you to spend thousands of dollars on jewelry or come sweeping into her life, blowing things up with grand surprises.
She will smile from ear to ear if you simply bring her coffee exactly how she likes it or send a “text me when you get home” message.
She values your consistency over your grandeur. Showing up when you said you would means the absolute world to her.
Strength
When something goes wrong, she doesn’t panic. She has been through hell and knows that she made it out. She has that quiet confidence that lets you know no matter what life throws at her, she will survive again.
To an outsider, she may seem like she’s not reacting at all when something goes wrong, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Soft Exits
If a woman has weathered storms in her life, she’ll know exactly when to recognize when things, conversations, or relationships turn sour.
She doesn’t yell or scream and create unnecessary scenes. She learned how to quietly bow out.
She doesn’t need to prove her point or have the last word because when something no longer serves her, she simply stops giving away her energy. This “quiet exit” allows her to walk away without dragging herself down with all that drama.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
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