Dating norms feel universal until you travel internationally. American and Canadian dating cultures have tons in common, but each country has its differences too, especially when it comes to communication, boundaries, and how direct people are.
That’s why so many Canadians are surprised when they start dating Americans. Based on stories from Canadians who’ve dated Americans, plus social media discussions and research cited at the end, here are some of the biggest American dating habits that felt weird, intense, or just plain confusing at first.
Bringing up politics right away
Finally, some of our respondents who dated in the US noticed that politics is often the very first thing people talk about. In the US, “who you voted for” can end a date before it even starts.
While Canadians care about politics, many said they usually don’t bring it up until they know the person better. They found the American need to label someone’s politics immediately to be very intense.
The high-pressure “date” request
Many of our respondents found the very concept of calling your first meetup a “date” raised the stakes significantly. Canadians usually say they’re “getting a coffee” or “just hanging out.” With this, it’s easy to end the meeting, if things don’t work out.
Americans, on the other hand, are much more formal. Some described having an “instant pressure” whenever someone specifically asked them on a “date.”
Treating the first meeting like a job interview
Canadians were taken aback by how Americans don’t beat around the bush when it comes to long-term potential. Some described many of their dates as feeling like job interviews, with questions about where they plan to live in five years or if they want kids before they even got to the appetizers.
Americans pride themselves on being straightforward and “not wasting time,” but many of our respondents found that directness killed all the mystery. They preferred to take things slow and be “polite but vague” about expectations.
The performance of aggressive flirting
Some of our respondents told us American flirting can be aggressive. Several mentioned Americans lean in closer, look you “dead in the eyes,” and don’t shy away from verbal affirmations.
Canadians save the heartfelt compliments for later. One interviewee told us Canadians “just are slightly more helpful than a stranger would be.” By contrast, American romance can sometimes feel more like a performance.
Expectations of formal chivalry
When it came to gender norms, several of our respondents felt Americans still lean into outdated chivalry, especially in the South.
For example, acts like the man insisting on opening doors and picking up the bill. This seemed especially prevalent in the South and Midwest.
What Americans view as formal respect, many Canadians see as old-fashioned and restrictive. In Canada, it’s much more common for men and women to split the bill and go Dutch.
The formal “DTR” (define the relationship) talk
One thing that seemed uniquely American to our respondents was the idea of the “DTR” talk. Americans may think they are free agents until they reach a formal contract-like conversation in a relationship.
But in Canada, you’re mostly considered exclusive when you say you are in a relationship. Having to formally negotiate that with someone felt very clinical to most Canadians.
Dating multiple people at once
Many of our respondents didn’t understand the American concept of a dating roster. While Canadians are certainly no strangers to dating apps, Americans tend to date multiple people at once until a winner is chosen.
To many Canadians, this felt like game-playing. Our respondents often preferred to “choose one person they’re interested in and focus on them” once they hit a certain comfort level.
One person summed it up by saying Americans make dating feel like a competition.
Bragging as a first date strategy
Canadians seem to hate Americans’ instinct to “sell themselves.” Several people we spoke with mentioned Americans’ love to talk about how great they are, too soon. They will boast about their job title, their income, or their status within social circles almost right away.
To most Canadians, it felt like bragging. They also come from a culture of “tall poppy syndrome,” a phenomenon of criticizing people who stand out too much. Many said they prefer someone who may be humble or self-deprecating.
The speed of “endearment”
Most Canadians we talked to actually found Americans way too affectionate when speaking. Several people in our group were turned off by Americans’ tendency to say “babe,” “honey,” or “sweetie” within the first week of talking.
To Americans, they may think they’re just being friendly, but to Canadians, it’s called “love bombing.” Words like that are earned over months of dating in Canada.
High-stakes public displays of affection (PDA)
A few of our respondents thought Americans were just too “loud” when it came to public displays of affection. Americans don’t seem to have a problem being very physically affectionate in public spaces like restaurants or parks.
To Canadians, who highly value their “personal bubble” and public etiquette, it seems “performative.” Many of our respondents said they would feel embarrassment if their date was too handsy in public.
The intrusiveness of small talk
Americans have a reputation for being friendly. To many Canadians, that friendliness borders on invasive. Some of our Canadian interviewees said Americans love picking your brain about family history and “deep emotions” almost immediately. However, Canadians like to “dance around” safer topics first until they’re comfortable with each other.
“The chase” and texting rules
The Canadians we talked to really didn’t like the “games” that seem common in American dating. They pointed out things like “the three-day rule”, where you intentionally wait a long time to text someone back just to look busy or popular.
Most of the people in our group found these tactics annoying and childish. Instead, they preferred a straightforward approach: if you like someone, you just tell them or text them back when you see the message.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
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