Suburban life has a good reputation. Quiet streets & good schools, along with decent backyards, sound pretty good. But living in one of these places is a different story. In fact, research (see citations) suggests that it gets quite exhausting after a while. Here are eleven ways that suburban life is slowly making people miserable. How many of these are you living through right now?
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HOA rules kill all your ideas
You can’t paint your door green. You’re not allowed to grow tomatoes in the front yard, either. Suburban HOAs have many rules that they love making up. In fact, you’ll probably spend more time reading bylaws than doing anything creative. So you just give up. It’s easier to stick to beige everything.
People wave, but nobody hangs out
You see your neighbor and give them a big wave & smile. You might even give them a quick “hey!” But then it’s back to hiding behind garage doors. Nobody ever drops by, and there are no last-minute BBQs. It’s just simple promises that you should hang out soon. Somehow, though, nobody ever does.
Your world shrinks
You may think everything’s fine until you realize most of your days look the same. Wake up & do the school drop-off. Then, it’s a quick grocery run, maybe a drive-thru coffee. That’s it. There are no cool cafés around the corner. There’s no possibility of a quick museum visit. You’re stuck doing the same thing, again and again. It never ends.
Nature is fenced off
Those trees behind your house are definitely not yours. You can’t even try to go near them. Why? Because there’s always a “No Trespassing” sign or some invisible line you’re not supposed to cross. This means there’s no chance of exploring. Nature’s close enough to touch, but you can only stare at it from your deck.
The silence starts feeling eerie
It’s quiet in the suburbs and, at first, it’s kinda nice. Then you realize that it’s too silent. You might hear some lawnmowers & the occasional leaf blower, but that’s all. That sense of quiet stops feeling so calm after a while. Now, it feels more unsettling. You’re alone with your own thoughts. How painful.
Local “events” all blend together
Every town has its fair share of events. These could be a farmers’ market or “music in the park.” They sound fun, but once you’ve been to three, you’ve basically seen them all. They have the same booths & the same guy selling kettle corn. You might even have the same cover band playing ‘Sweet Home Alabama’. It’s rather annoying.
Every social thing revolves around kids
Most conversations kick off with school stuff. Who’s in what class & what team needs volunteers, that kind of thing. But that’s where it starts and ends in the suburbs. There’s no hope if your kid’s not involved or you don’t have one. You kind of hang around the edges. Nobody means to shut you out, of course. It just happens that way when you don’t have kids.
Ambition starts to feel out of place
Some people get weird when you talk about big plans. You could say you want to start something new, like a business or a hobby. But then it’s back to mulch sales & carpool talk. Soon enough, you stop bringing it up. It’s not because you’ve lost interest. Rather, it just feels easier to blend in. You don’t want to explain what you’re building to people who don’t ask twice.
There’s no casual way to meet new people
In the suburbs, you can’t just walk out & bump into someone. There’s no spot where people linger for no reason. Everyone’s in their car or behind a garage door, and if you’re not already looped in through sports or school, it’s rather quiet. The most conversation you’ll have with people is a quick “Nice weather today.” That’s it.
There’s no in-between space for life
You’re either inside or driving. Unfortunately, there’s no third place to just be & nowhere to sit without waiting for something. The coffee shops in the suburbs aren’t meant for hanging around. People grab their order and then simply leave. It makes you feel you don’t belong anywhere unless you’ve got a purpose. Most days, you go from place to place without a pause. Just go.
There’s pressure to look like everything’s fine
Nobody says it out loud, but the pressure is there. You water the lawn when you don’t care about the grass. You wave with a smile when your day’s been awful. No one talks about anything real. It’s because most people would rather keep up the image than admit they’re struggling. You’re in there. It’s hard to be anything else.
Sources:
1. Sustainability Directory. (n.d.). What psychological impacts does urban sprawl pose? Lifestyle Sustainability Directory.
2. Southworth, M. (2017). Learning to make liveable cities. Cities, 68, 1–7.