As a parent, you naturally want the best for your children, even as they become independent adults, but even well intentioned opinions can come across as intrusive or unwelcome to them.
Their Career Choices
It’s easy to criticize when you witness them taking on an unstable or odd career. But if you say something about their job, or salary or future, it may sound like you are undermining them. They’re managing their careers in their own time & would prefer some support, not criticism.
Their Living Situation
Even if they live in a small apartment, have roommates & still rent rather than buy, unwanted comments about what they are doing can be cruel. It could be a pragmatic move or simply what they’re comfortable with.
When They Should Have Kids
Asking about grandkids every time you’re on the phone might make them feel coerced or even angry. Having a family is an intimate choice & one that comes down to more than one aspect. Rely on them to do it when it is time and only when it’s something they want.
How They Spend Their Money
You may feel inclined to criticize their spending habits if you believe they are being cheapskate or overthinking things. Whether they’re blowing the bank on vacation or laying low, spending is personal. They might not always do it right, but they will grow.
Their Partner or Dating Life
And belittling their partner’s style, job or life, or reminding them that they are not dating, can do more damage than you think. They need to be supported in their relationship decisions, even if they don’t fit your expectations.
Their Parenting Style
When they’re parents, you might find yourself comparing their parenting to how you parented them. But advising about their rules, ways of disciplining or habits can make them feel bad. If they don’t ask for your feedback, don’t interfere. Just know that they are doing what’s best for their family.
What They Wear
When you make a statement about their clothes, tattoos, piercings or hairstyle, they might feel like you are belittling their identity. As adults, they use their appearance to express themselves & your acceptance means more than your critique.
Their Friends
Asking them to pick their friends wisely, or advising them to limit time with some, can be dominating. Friendships play a different role in adult life & they know who brings them joy or support.
How They Manage Their Time
Your comments about their work schedule, their frequency of visits, or how they spend their weekends can feel like micromanaging. They’re balancing obligations & free time on their terms.
Their Political & Social Views
Differences in beliefs can be hard to handle, but arguing or dismissing their views can damage your relationship. Respecting their opinions, even if they differ from yours, helps build understanding.
Their Health & Fitness Choices
Free advice on their weight, or what they eat or how they exercise can be creepy. They probably know what they’re doing & don’t need any reminding unless they specifically ask.