When I look back, I still laugh at the way my parents wrote their own parenting book. They made up these 11 rules to discipline me.
The Floor Is Lava
This was an effective bedtime rule.
After 9 pm, my parents would say the floor became a boiling lava pool, and if I walked on it, I’d burn my feet.
It kept me in bed & out of late-night trouble. I did not realize this was an easy ploy to keep me from sneaking out at night.
If You Lie, Your Tongue Turns Purple
My parents would scream & look at my tongue whenever I lied. I was pretty sure if I’d lie, it would turn purple, and I’d be caught.
This did wonders because I stopped lying to avoid this “purple tongue” issue.
If You Don’t Finish Dinner, Santa Will Know
This was the rule that always made me finish every bite of my meal.
My parents would tell me that if I did not finish dinner, Santa would somehow catch on and I would be the bad kid.
I didn’t want to miss out on gifts, so I finished everything, even the Brussels sprouts.
The TV Will Explode if You Watch Too Long
My parents ruled the screen space easily.
They’d tell me that the TV would blow up if I watched it for too long. Each time the screen would flash or tinkle I’d just turn the TV off thinking I was about to blow it up.
You Can’t Go Swimming Until 30 Minutes After Eating—Or You’ll Sink
My parents said that I would get cramps & sink to the bottom if I swam too soon after a meal.
I’d sit by the edge of the pool, watching the clock, waiting for those 30 minutes to pass before I could jump in.
If You Cross Your Eyes Too Long, They’ll Stay That Way
Whenever I crossed my eyes, my parents warned me that if I did it too much, my eyes would get stuck.
As a kid, I didn’t want to be left with crossed eyes forever, so I’d just pause, even though I didn’t know how likely that was to happen.
The Car Won’t Start Until Everyone Buckles Up
This was one of those rule things that didn’t even make sense back then, but worked every time.
My parents would pretend to turn the car key & if someone wasn’t buckled in, they’d shake their head and say something was wrong. Magically, the car would start as soon as we had all clicked our seatbelts on.
Chewing Gum Will Stay in Your Stomach for Seven Years
My parents used to say that gum would linger in my stomach for seven years.
The thought of having gum stuck in my stomach for that long was enough to make me chew carefully and never swallow it again.
If You Don’t Wear a Coat, You’ll Catch a Cold Instantly
My parents always used to say that if I didn’t put on a coat when it was cold outside, I’d catch a flu quickly.
I didn’t want to get sick, so I wrapped myself up whenever it was raining or cold, no matter how uncomfortable it felt.
Eating Sugar Before Bed Will Give You Nightmares
This was the rule my parents employed to keep me on a low-sugar schedule. The fear of scary dreams also stopped me from eating after-dinner sweets.
Your Toys Get Donated if They’re Left Out Overnight
The best thing my parents ever did to make me put away my toys was to threaten to give them away if they were not cleaned up overnight.
It was just the thought of having to donate my favorite action figures or dolls to charity, that made me run around putting everything back in place before bed.