Here are 10 reasons why most relationship advice doesn’t work for most people, no matter how well-intentioned it is.
One-Size-Fits-All Approach
You’ve probably heard a piece of advice that’s been passed down through the ages like, “Just communicate better!”
Sure, it sounds good on paper but relationships are far more complicated than that. Each couple has their own set of issues.
What works wonders for one might add fuel to the fire for another and sometimes, you need a different plan.
Lack of Context
When someone shares advice, they usually don’t have the full story; they don’t see all the little interactions or the history.
As such, they’re not aware of the other issues in your relationship and their advice doesn’t work. Their words might help for a short while but their advice isn’t a real solution.
Quick Fixes
Everyone wants a quick fix these days. Unfortunately, with relationships, the easy changes that people suggest, like surprise date nights or grand gestures, are like putting a band-aid on a bullet wound.
Real relationship issues need time & patience. Plus, they need a greater understanding than a simple fix can provide.
Misinterpretation
Even though the advice isn’t bad, the way you interpret it leads to trouble.
For example, someone suggests you need to be more open in your relationship; some may take that as a green light to unload every single thought 24/7. That’ll overwhelm your partner.
Instead, you have to find the balance that gets lost in translation.
Changes in Social Norms
Relationship advice doesn’t always keep up with the times and what worked in a relationship 20 years ago might not fly today.
Our ideas about commitment & personal space have evolved. And let’s not even start on how communication is so different now. As such, following outdated advice will only ever cause issues.
Underestimating Personal Growth
A lot of advice focuses on changing the other person but real progress often comes from looking inward. It’s a journey of self-discovery and improvement that represents more than becoming a better partner.
You’re becoming a better you! You bring a healthier, happier self to the partnership and this will inspire your partner to grow, too.
Ignoring Compatibility Issues
In other situations, the advice doesn’t work because the two people just aren’t a good match. No amount of effort or advice can change fundamental differences. As difficult as it is, recognizing it can save a lot of heartache—although that doesn’t mean you should give up at the first sign of trouble. Instead, you should understand that not every relationship is meant to last forever.
The Influence of Media
Movies, TV shows—even social media paint an unrealistic picture of what relationships should look like. This skews the kind of advice people give & seek out.
We expect every moment to be epic and every conflict to be resolved with a grand gesture, even though that’s not realistic. It sets up false expectations that real-life relationships can’t meet. Eventually, you’ll be disappointed.
Conflicting Advice
One person tells you to always be honest about your feelings and another says it’s better to keep some things to yourself.
So what do you do? It’s not easy to work out because there’s so much conflicting advice and it’s no wonder people get confused about the best course of action. Somehow, you’ll have to figure it out.
Lack of Professional Guidance
Yes, our loved ones & the internet can give us plenty of advice but they’re not substitutes for professional guidance.
Trained therapists and counselors have the expertise to understand complex relationship issues in a way us regular people may not fully understand. As such, you should speak to a professional for advice instead.
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