Sometimes people say rude and hurtful things and then expect you to say nothing. While screaming and yelling back rarely helps, you don’t have to resort to rudeness yourself to stand up for yourself, either.
Sometimes, just a couple of polite sentences can speak volumes and subtly force others to be more respectful. We talked to a group of people about the phrases they use to quickly shut rude people up. Here are 10 of these phrases.
“I’m not comfortable with that”
It’s a brick wall phrase. You don’t need to give an exhaustive explanation or list of reasons. When someone asks you a prying question or suggests something inappropriate, you can say this phrase.
It shifts the focus back to you and your boundaries, which nobody else gets to question.
“That sounded a bit disrespectful”
This phrase is a “soft call-out.” Soft in the sense that instead of saying “you are being disrespectful”, you said it “sounded disrespectful”.
This subtly puts the focus on the way they said something instead of what they said. This calls their behavior into question and gives them a chance to think about how they come across before continuing the conversation.
“Could you explain what you mean by that?”
Have you ever gotten a back-handed compliment or someone tried to “one-up” you with what they thought was a joke?
Nothing silences a rude person faster than this question. By asking them to explain, you’re forcing them to defend their rude behavior.
They either own up to being insulting or they try to walk back what they said (usually killing their own point).
“I’d appreciate it if you spoke to me respectfully”
This is a nice way of saying “stop talking to me like that.” It’s professional, courteous, and to the point.
It changes the focus from what you’re arguing about to how you’re arguing about it. In addition, it sets a clear boundary for the conversation going forward. If they want to talk to you, they’ll have to change their tone.
“Let’s keep the conversation respectful”
This is a phrase that works well because of the word “lets.” You aren’t pointing fingers. Instead, you are implying that everyone should respect everyone else.
It’s less of a correction and more of a “everyone in the room, take five deep breaths” moment.
Use this in group conversations or meetings when everyone’s feelings are starting to get hurt and you just want to elevate the level of maturity in the room.
“I see your point, but I don’t agree”
Rudeness usually comes from someone attempting to bully you into agreeing with them.
By stating that you disagree, you acknowledge that you heard them out (which makes most people feel heard enough to stop) and maintain your position.
It’s a way of saying the debate is over and you aren’t going to let them badger you into changing your mind.
“That comment was unnecessary”
Use this one when someone makes a personal attack or tries to bring up an old piece of history that is irrelevant to the current topic.
Labeling their comment as extra highlights the fact that they went beyond what was needed to have a civil conversation. It makes their attempt to hurt your feelings childish rather than intimidating.
“I think we should move on”
Whether you’re arguing with someone or someone is just incessantly complaining, this is your white flag.
Raise it anytime you feel like a conversation is going in circles or deteriorating into a pond-scraping level of rudeness.
It proactively allows you to take the high ground and change the subject rather than submitting to the toxic environment.
“Let’s talk about this another time”
When someone is being too angry or rude for their own good and isn’t going to listen to reason, there’s no point in continuing the conversation.
Using this phrase allows you to save face by leaving before the conversation can get any worse.
It lets the other person know that you will happily discuss the matter at hand; you just refuse to discuss it while they’re being disrespectful.
“I prefer to be treated with respect”
This is a simple statement of fact. You’re not begging someone to change how they speak to you; you’re stating how you prefer to be treated. There’s no room for debate because you’re stating your preference as cleanly as possible.
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