Some people need things just so, although it’s not necessarily in a quirky-yet-lovable way. Instead, they’ll act as though you personally attacked them for doing something as simple as moving their coffee mug one inch to the left. Here are fourteen signs of a control freak that you may never have noticed before.
Do you know anybody who has these habits?
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They rewrite group plans to suit themselves
While you thought you agreed to go to a Mexican restaurant at 6, somehow, the plan mysteriously changed to Thai food at 5:30. It’s all because someone decided it without asking. Of course, they’ll claim that they’re checking with the others, but they’re really just doing what they want and letting you know after. It always ends up going their way, somehow.
They have backup plans for backup plans
One of the most difficult parts of going out with a controlling person is that they have everything organized…perhaps a little too organized. They have a Plan A, B, C, as well as a bonus Plan D. The simplest of hangouts come with directions and backup preparations because they can’t deal with things not going according to schedule. It’s painful.
They reorganize your stuff when you’re not around
Whenever you leave your stuff where it makes sense to you, it somehow gets tidied or fixed, usually while you’re in the other room. A controlling person will tell you that they thought it’d be easier with their layout. However, the truth is that they weren’t trying to help. They simply couldn’t handle not being in charge of how things were organized. That’d be too much for them.
They insist on driving every time
Regardless of whose car it is, this kind of person will have the keys in their hand before you’ve even put your shoes on. Sure, you could suggest driving. But doing so will only lead to them saying, “Are you sure? I don’t mind. I know the way. I’ll just drive, it’s easier.” Easier for whom, exactly?
They correct tiny details in casual stories
You could be telling a story about how your weekend went, and they’ll cut in with a quick correction about the time or the date, something unimportant. The detail you got wrong doesn’t change the story, and it doesn’t even matter. But they have to say something because they can’t let anything slide. Especially not the harmless stuff.
They follow up too quickly when you don’t reply
If you don’t respond to their message immediately, or at least within a few minutes, you can expect to receive a “??” message. They’ll claim they’re just checking in, but they’re actually panicking. They don’t know what’s going on, and silence freaks them out since they’re not the ones deciding when the conversation starts and ends. It’s too much for them to deal with.
They give you tasks without asking
They don’t ask if you want to help and will instead simply assign you tasks. You never voted on it, and you never even said you were available to do what they asked. Still, they’ll treat group activities as though they were chosen to lead. Everybody else is just staff to them, and that means they’ll boss them around as they see fit.
They get annoyed when people don’t follow their routines
Doing something as simple as brushing your teeth after breakfast instead of before is wrong to them. How dare you not do exactly as they expected? For these people, life has a rulebook, and you’ve skipped pages by not following their expectations to a T. You’re not doing anything wrong, yet anything that doesn’t match their method feels like a crime.
They get tense when surprises pop up
Likewise, anytime you suggest that you do something different, they’ll act shocked, or maybe become angry. Spontaneous things affect their mental spreadsheet. It could be a fun surprise, but this feels wrong to them. They didn’t approve it ahead of time. As such, they’re massively thrown off if things don’t go exactly according to schedule.
They answer questions for other people
A controlling person doesn’t trust you to manage your own words, and they’ll always answer questions for you. Even when someone asks you something simple, like “What do you want to eat?”, they’ll jump in with a response like, “Oh, she’ll have the salad.” The salad isn’t important anymore, but the fact is that they’re afraid you’ll mess up sharing your thoughts.
They act like the group’s unofficial timekeeper
Every friendship group has someone who acts like a timekeeper, saying things like “We said we’d leave by 8,” or “We’re five minutes behind.” Of course, nobody asked, but they’ll keep stressing the time. It’s all because they can’t relinquish control for even a minute. A second too late, and they’ll act as though the world’s going to explode.
They use “should” language a lot
Overusing the word “should” is a sign that they’re trying to get you to do things their way. It doesn’t matter how helpful they might come across, as it’s their magic word for bossing people around without sounding bossy. That is, aside from the fact that using this word so often is completely bossy.
They get frustrated when people “don’t listen”
The issue isn’t that you didn’t listen to them. It’s that you didn’t do what they said and exactly how they said it, which, to them, is the same thing. Choosing not to follow their “advice” will confuse or annoy them, perhaps even offend them. The truth is, they take your refusal to follow instructions as a personal betrayal.
They prefer doing things “themselves” even in a team
While they might say they love working in a team, five minutes in, they’ve decided to take over everything. They’ll claim it’ll be faster if they do it, or that you shouldn’t worry because they have everything sorted. However, the next thing you know, they’re running the whole thing.
Disclaimer: This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.
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