We all like to think we’re living for ourselves. However, it’s usually the little things that show that’s anything but true. Here are twelve signs that your habits exist for other people’s approval, backed by science. Do any of these sound familiar?
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Timing messages to someone’s online status
You might’ve held off on sending a text until you saw that they were “active now.” That way, you know they’ll read it right away & if the message just sits there, you’ll keep checking for read receipts. It’s funny how your timing suddenly matches theirs without even trying. And it’s all because you care about their approval.
Dressing for the expected audience
That comfy sweater you love stays in the closet whenever you go to see people who don’t comment on it. You’ll hold onto a brand-new shirt for weeks until the right person’s around. Why? Because you want people to like you. And let’s be real, sometimes you pick your shoes based less on weather & more on who’s in the room.
Scheduling posts for specific eyes
Some people save their drafts just to post them when they know certain people are scrolling. Really, it’s just the timing that they care about, as well as making sure that the likes roll in. Even the captions aren’t safe. They’ve probably reworded them just to match someone else’s style. At the end of the day, that’s all they worry about.
Picking restaurants for how they photograph
Menus are great. But admit it, you’ve likely picked a place because the neon sign looked good in pictures, or maybe you scrolled through tagged posts first to see whether the food photographs well. You really don’t care about the meal. As long as you get a window seat with the right lighting, it’s all good.
Changing handwriting when pages might be seen
Whenever you’re writing notes for yourself, your handwriting looks messy & fast, full of arrows. It all changes as soon as there’s a chance someone else will look at your notebook. Now, your letters straighten out, and the margins get bigger. You might even switch pens. And then once the coast is clear, your scribbles go right back to normal.
Arranging your video-call background for effect
That shelf behind you isn’t organized randomly. You nudge the books into frame & you also move the plant closer so it shows up just right. In fact, you’ll even test the camera angle until you have the perfect shot because you want to make sure your video calls present a certain version of you.
Renaming calendar events to look packed
A plain “coffee break” suddenly becomes “strategy check-in,” while your free time blocks are disguised as “review sessions.” That’s because you want your calendar to seem crammed full when it’s on paper. Yet some of those events are mere placeholders that are sure to disappear later.
Shifting workouts toward prime hours
Most people like going to the gym when it’s quiet. But you drag yourself in at peak time, and go to the treadmill by the mirror because it feels better than the one in the corner. You might even change what exercises you do based on the people around you. Essentially, your time at the gym is a performance that you’re keen to keep up with.
Filtering shows and books by ratings and mentions
Everyone has a watchlist & some people’s watchlists aren’t actually theirs. That’s because their tastes shift depending on what friends bring up, like not watching a show until everyone else starts talking about it. Then it suddenly jumps to the top. It’s the same with books & podcasts. Once you’ve finished something, you hold back mentioning it until the group catches up.
Changing the way you order food around certain people
You’re hungry for a burger. But you actually order the quinoa bowl & trade soda for sparkling water. It’s not necessarily because your taste buds changed. It’s due to who’s sitting across from you. Essentially, your order depends less on the menu & more on the company.
Holding back songs you actually like
It doesn’t matter that your private playlist on your phone has all the songs you really love. When the speaker’s on & everyone’s listening, out go your comfort tracks, in come the safer options. You’d rather play the ones you know won’t raise questions. It feels more comfortable that way, even at your enjoyment’s expense.
Checking who viewed your story before deciding the next one
Posting a story starts simply. Soon enough, though, you’re checking the list of people who viewed the last one, and as long as certain names show up, you’ll post another. You suddenly don’t feel like sharing when the people you hoped for aren’t there. Who you want to see your story is what you care about, instead of what you want to show.
Sources: Please see here for a complete listing of all sources that were consulted in the preparation of this article.
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