Getting married in your 20s can be a surreal experience. It’s full of roses and rainbows and “happily ever afters.” But the years that follow are rarely all kisses at sunset and Instagram posts of smitten faces. It’s more often winging it as two imperfect people try to make it work in the trenches of life. There are things about being married that no one really talks about in your 20s. So, lets have a look at 12 of them.
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1. You might outgrow old dreams, together or apart
The stuff you both wanted at 25 might not be the same things you want at 30. Career plans change, priorities shift, and sometimes one of you gets there faster than the other. It’s not always a catastrophic, speeding train derailing kind of thing. It’s just really uncomfortable. Learning to be okay when your plans change is a marriage skill no one ever talks about.
2. You won’t always find each other interesting
Sometimes there are entire weeks where every conversation you have with each other has already happened. Not every night will bring you deep conversation or belly laughs. Some nights you will simply sit silently in your respective corners while scrolling through your phones. Silence doesn’t always mean something is broken; it just means you’re human.
3. Conflict styles don’t magically sync
Maybe you both love each other very much. But there’s a good chance one of you shuts down and the other has to talk something through. It will last for years. Marriage won’t suddenly overwrite patterns. It just means you’ll slowly learn not to take it so personally.
4. You’re building a life while still figuring out who you are
You are not done becoming who you are going to be in your 20s. Neither is your partner. Both of you will likely grow in directions you don’t expect, and sometimes, it will feel lonely while you are in the middle of it together. That is completely normal and doesn’t mean the relationship is broken.
5. You’ll compare your marriage without realizing it
It may be a friend’s anniversary weekend getaway or some stranger’s “perfect” wedding anniversary Insta story. You may not intend to compare your lives, but the thought will seep in. You will start to question whether you’re behind, missing something, or just not doing it right.
6. You will crave space, and that’s not betrayal
You do not want to be alone because you are sick of your spouse. You want to be alone because you are a person with your own brain. In a marriage, learning how to ask for space without guilt is one of the most liberating things.
7. Some fights will never really be solved
You may circle back to the same fight every few months. It will be about family or money or chores. The point isn’t to solve it once and for all, but to argue in a way that doesn’t leave bruises.
8. Physical intimacy will change
It’s not always about frequency. It’s about mood, stress, timing, or just being too tired. Fireworks and physical intimacy will come and go. It’s not a sign you’re broken, it’s a sign you’re living.
9. You’ll sometimes parent each other
It’s not romantic to nag someone to eat or see a doctor or to stop crying. It’s not romantic to take care of someone else’s stuff for decades. But it’s part of the deal if you want to do the deal.
10. Little habits become big conversations
You don’t notice it for months, but they make this gross slurping noise when they eat. They never shut the cabinet door. They don’t really like when you fold the towels just so. One day, you are both exhausted and hangry and those habits explode and it’s a full-blown fight.
11. You won’t always feel “in love,” and that’s okay
Oh man, those in-love feelings. Sometimes it’s all snuggles, dewy eyes, magic and rainbows. Other days it’s a purely practical relationship of shuffling a joint calendar and trading you owe me’s. The in-love feelings will drift in and out. And that’s fine. The only thing that matters is how you treat each other on the days when it’s not there.
12. You’ll realize no one really knows what they’re doing either
Your married friends? Your parents? They’re all winging it, too. Every couple has their own strange balance, and what works for one might not work for you. You stop looking for a rulebook and start writing your own, quietly and clumsily.
Disclaimer: This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.
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