To the outside world, some people seem perfectly normal. They can laugh, work, and have a drink with friends. However, on the inside, they could be suffering from a crushing loneliness that they do not necessarily voice. Their behavior often gives subtle clues about how they’re really feeling.
We spoke with several people who’ve experienced this and those who’ve seen it in loved ones. So here are 12 common behaviors that often reveal someone is secretly struggling with loneliness.
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Clinging too tightly to certain people
If a friend, partner, or someone else makes them feel accepted and wanted, they will often latch on. Of course, their behavior may stem from a fear of being alone again, but it can be suffocating to their friend or significant other.
Being extra generous
Lonely people can be really generous, going out of their way to help others, buying them gifts, and always being there for them. They may subconsciously be trying to “earn” love and affection.
Overly active on social media
They might post frequently, share statuses, or be overactive in the comments. And it’s not always to show off. For a lot of people who are lonely, it can be comforting to feel like they’re part of the online conversation, and a like or a reply can be a moment of connection when they are in need.
Saying yes to plans they don’t really want to join
If someone is very lonely, they say yes to plans even if they really don’t want to go, just so that they don’t have to be on their own. The people we talked to explained that they just can’t stand the thought of sitting at home and feeling like no one cares about them.
Apologizing for everything
Lonely people often feel like a burden. They will find themselves apologizing for really minor things, like speaking their mind, or asking a question, or just asking for help because they fear pushing people away.
Shopping for comfort
Buying small treats or unnecessary items becomes a temporary fix. New clothes, a new gadget, or just a book can give them an instant rush of endorphins. The problem is that feeling wears off almost immediately.
Keeping themselves overly busy
From the outside, they seem incredibly productive, always working or doing something. In reality, they’re using busyness as a way to avoid sitting with their feelings of loneliness.
Taking cancellations or delays personally
A friend cancels a hangout, or a significant other takes a while to text back, and their minds immediately spiral. In their loneliness, they take small things as evidence that they are unwanted, unloved, or unimportant.
Smiling to hide their pain
Lonely people can put on a good face. They seem cheerful, and that’s their “public” face. But alone at home, that loneliness creeps back in and no one sees them fall apart.
Checking their phone constantly
Lonely people often check their messages or social media accounts repeatedly hoping someone has reached out. Even a single text or notification is validation that people care about them.
Talking a lot, but never about their real feelings
They’ll probably talk about anything and everything to avoid silence. But the issue is, they’re not going to discuss anything personal or emotional.
Spending long stretches of time alone
Lonely people will often go missing for days, sometimes weeks. They isolate themselves because they don’t want to bother people, but they don’t know how to ask for help. They usually cope with their loneliness by binge-watching TV or scrolling mindlessly.
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