It’s a thin line between being your own rock and being plain selfish. Being self-reliant means you have your stuff together–you’re handling your business without leaning too much on others. But selfishness is when everything’s about you & your needs—everyone else can take a hike. How do you know the difference? Here are eleven behaviors that might seem like independence at first glance but are actually selfish.
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Not Offering Help When You Clearly Can

Everyone’s had those times when we could’ve lent a hand but we’ve avoided doing so. Maybe it’s because you figured you were too busy or it just wasn’t your problem. Either way, if you have the means to help out & you choose not to, you’re essentially saying your time or resources are more valuable than someone else’s struggle.
Frequently Canceling Plans Last Minute

It’s okay to sometimes ditch plans at the eleventh hour because Netflix seemed more appealing But making it your MO? That’s where it becomes selfish. It tells other people that you don’t really value their time or feelings as much as your own relaxation. You need to work out the balance between self-care and respecting others.
Keeping Score in Relationships

Constantly tallying up who did what for whom in your relationships may seem like you’re trying to keep things fair. However, it can turn your relationships into a transaction rather than a genuine connection. Evening the score isn’t important—what matters is that you’re there for each other because you want to, not because you’re keeping tabs.
Not Acknowledging Your Mistakes

Nobody’s perfect and owning up to our mistakes is part of being human. As such, selfishness involves dodging accountability because it bruises your ego or you’re worried about looking bad. You have to say sorry to show you value your relationships enough to admit when you’ve messed up.
Ignoring Others’ Boundaries

Boundaries are a big deal—they’re how people let us know what they’re okay with and what they’re not. If you’re steamrolling over someone’s limits because it’s easier for you, that’s a clear sign you’re putting your wants above their needs. In any relationship, respecting boundaries is basic.
Only Reaching Out When You Need Something

You shouldn’t only talk to your friends when you need a favor. Why? Because it’s not a great look. It makes your friends feel more like your personal ATM than people you actually care about. Friendship is a two-way street and not a convenience store—so treat it as such. You need to be there for each other.
Talking More Than Listening

It’s easy to dominate a conversation and barely allow the other person to get a word in, especially when we’re passionate—or just love the sound of our own voice! But real connection comes from giving & taking. You should share your stories while being genuinely interested in hearing theirs.
Not Sharing Credit for Joint Successes

Nothing says “selfish” like taking all the glory for a group win. You should never take all the credit without giving a nod to the people who helped you get there as it’s bad manners. Beyond that, it’s also a sign you value your own spotlight over the achievement that you worked together to make.
Making Decisions Without Consulting Those Affected

Life’s full of choices—and some of them impact more than just us. As such, you should never decide something big without looping in the people it’ll affect because it tells them you’re playing by your own rules. You’re not giving much thought to how it’ll land for everyone else. That’s truly selfish.
Prioritizing Your Convenience Over Others’ Needs

We all have moments when we choose the easy route for ourselves even when it’s a hassle for someone else. Doing this now and then is human nature—making it a habit is when it becomes selfish. Instead, try to find that sweet spot between looking out for numero uno and being considerate of others.
Withholding Information for Personal Gain

Those times when you hold back a piece of information because it gave you a leg up, even though sharing it could’ve helped someone else, are also signs of being self-centered. You’re putting your own success above the group’s or someone else’s. True growth & success come from lifting each other up. Don’t climb over each other to get to the top!
Disclaimer: This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.
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