We’ve all had those conversations that just feel off, but why? It might be because we’ve dealt with a manipulator and these people are good at what they do—making you question your own thoughts. Thankfully, there are some ways you can tell someone’s being manipulative and here are ten questions that show that. If they ask these, you might want to think things through again.
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“Why don’t you trust me?”
Someone who constantly questions your trust wants you to second-guess your instincts. If they really cared about your trust, they’d show it through their actions instead of simply grilling you with questions. This kind of questioning can mess with your head and make you doubt yourself. That’s exactly what the manipulator wants.
“Don’t you care about us?”
Hearing “Don’t you care about us?” can hurt, especially coming from someone you’re close with. Unfortunately, they’re not actually curious about your feelings. Rather, they’re trying to guilt you into doing something to fulfill their wants over yours. It’s their way of saying, “If you really cared, you’d do this for me” — and not complying makes you feel pretty bad.
“Can you do me a small favor?”
Even though this question might seem harmless at first, it’s usually a way to introduce some bigger demands. Agreeing to a small favor sets a precedent and before you know it, you have plenty of commitments that you need to fulfill. As such, starting with a “small favor” is a common way to manipulate people to get more out of them.
“What did your friend say about me?”
It might sound like innocent curiosity but watch out—this question is a way for them to dig for information or stir the pot. Their goal is to create rifts or maybe even manipulate opinions to their advantage. Essentially, they’re trying to control everything and create drama. Do you really want to be around someone like that?
“Are you going to let them get away with that?”
Here’s another question that’s certain to get your blood boiling because it forces you into doing something you may not want to do. Of course, it’s usually not something good for you and the person asking this wants you to do something that suits their agenda. Just remember—it’s your decision how to deal with conflicts and not theirs.
“Isn’t this what you want?”
Hearing “Isn’t this what you want?” usually means the other person wants to corner you into agreeing with them. They’re trying to make their ideas seem like your own, which is just as confusing as it sounds. You usually have little room left for your actual wants & needs. It makes you feel like you don’t have much of a choice—you have to do what they say.
“Do you want to be a loser all your life?”
Ouch! “Do you want to be a loser all your life?” is a low blow aiming to damage your self-esteem. Typically, a manipulator will use it to goad you into proving yourself or making quick decisions in the heat of the moment. They want you to act in a way that fits with what they want—usually, that’s not the best course of action for you.
“Why can’t you be more like them?”
Nobody likes to be compared to other people without reason. As such, that’s why manipulators will ask, “Why can’t you be more like them?” to prey on your insecurities—and perhaps change your behavior. They’re focusing on what you’re not rather than what you are, which can be seriously damaging to how you see yourself.
“Don’t you trust my judgment?”
Someone asking, “Don’t you trust my judgment?” wants to make you feel guilty for questioning their choices. They’re trying to undermine your confidence and convince you to rely on their judgment over your own. This way, you’ll trust them, no matter what, and they can use this trust how they please—usually to your detriment.
“Have you told anyone else about this?”
Asking, “Have you told anyone else about this?” about something is a manipulator’s way to see how isolated you are. It’s a way for them to control information and keep any details they want hidden under wraps. If you haven’t spread the word, they’ll feel more confident in keeping you in the dark—or continuing to deceive you.
Disclaimer: This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.
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