Childhood can have a permanent effect on our adult experience, sometimes even changing how we behave in unexpected ways. From avoiding intimacy to low self-esteem – unresolved trauma can manifest in subtle but impactful ways. Understanding such behaviors allows us to begin to uncover the origins of our past and work towards healing. Let’s examine 12 behaviors that could be symptoms of underlying childhood trauma.
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Perfectionism
Do you ever feel like nothing you do is good enough, even if everyone else tells you it is? That’s perfectionism talking. A person with unresolved trauma could stress about everything being perfect because – perhaps as children – they were made to feel they didn’t measure up or had to earn love & acceptance. So the need to “be perfect” sticks around like an unwelcome guest.
People-Pleasing
Saying “yes” to everyone, even when you are worn out, isn’t just being nice, it’s a matter of survival. For some, growing up in a household where love or security was conditional taught them to please everyone. Now that they are grown-ups, they might bend over backwards in order not to offend or appear good.
Emotional Numbness
Ever zone out or feel like emotions just don’t hit you the same way they do others? This might be emotional numbness. It’s like your brain flipped a switch when you were a child, to turn away from pain, and now it’s stuck in the other direction. It makes life feel flat even in the biggest moments.
Overreacting to Criticism
It hurts when people criticize you, but if feels like a personal attack every time, something’s wrong. Perhaps you got criticized a lot or were judged for everything you did as a kid. Now, a simple remark could be seen as a needle in an old wound.
Difficulty Trusting Others
Do you always feel like people have something to hide? Trust problems typically develop early in life when the very people who were supposed to be your defender failed you or hurt you. You’ve got this invisible wall that’s up, and you feel uncomfortable inviting anyone in.
Overworking or Avoiding Rest
Always on the go? Some people bury themselves in work or are busy 24 hours a day because the thought of easing up is dangerous. If you’re busy, you don’t have time to dwell on childhood wounds or confront unpleasant emotions. It’s a sneaky way to escape from the past.
Constant Need for Validation
If you find yourself asking, “Was that okay?” all the time, it might not just be a personality quirk. Maybe it was because you were raised in a household where you needed to fight for praise or were never appreciated. Now, it’s like you have to have a stamp of approval before you can believe in yourself.
Controlling Behavior
You think that everything has to go your way, or the world will crumble around you? That need to manage everything might be the consequence of being surrounded by chaos in childhood. When life became unpredictable as a child, you had to grab the reins to survive.
Fear of Abandonment
This one’s tough. Whether it’s clinging too hard to people or pushing them away before they can leave, it’s all about trying to avoid the hurt of being left behind. If someone who mattered to you as a child wasn’t there for you, your brain will forever be waiting for it to happen again.
Chronic Self-Doubt
Ever second-guess yourself so much it’s exhausting? Maybe that’s from being told as a child you weren’t good enough or constantly being criticized for what you’re doing. Decision-making now seems like balancing on a cliff.
Avoiding Confrontation at All Costs
Conflict can be scary, especially if arguments growing up were loud, aggressive or even dangerous. Now, avoiding confrontation becomes the go-to move because it feels safer to keep the peace—even if it means ignoring your own needs.
Persistent Anxiety or Hypervigilance
Do you feel like you’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop? This constant alertness often comes from growing up in a situation where you never knew what was coming next. Even in safe environments, your brain might still be on high alert, scanning for threats that aren’t there.
Disclaimer: This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.
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