Many of us don’t even realize when we’re being too harsh on ourselves—we might set unrealistically high standards, overlook our successes or focus on past mistakes without realizing it. This kind of self-criticism affects our happiness & well-being without us noticing. But recognizing the signs that we’re being too hard on ourselves may help us to make positive changes. Here are eleven signs that you might be putting too much pressure on yourself and how to fix it.
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You Feel Guilty Taking Breaks
Taking a break feels wrong to you and relaxing makes you uneasy—even when you have free time, you think you should be doing something productive instead of resting. You have a constant sense of guilt over downtime, which strongly suggests you’re pushing yourself too hard. Remember that you have to allow yourself some time to recharge.
You Remember Embarrassing Moments from Years Ago
Embarrassing things that happened long ago still haunt you and you’ll easily remember that awkward comment you made in a meeting years back—it makes you cringe all over again whenever you think about it. Holding onto these memories is a sign you’re not letting yourself move past mistakes and are being too harsh on yourself. Nobody’s perfect and that includes you, so stop beating yourself up over it!
You Overthink Casual Conversations
After a simple conversation, you keep replaying it in your head because you worry that you said the wrong thing, so you pick apart everything you mentioned. You’re afraid you sounded silly or inappropriate and such overthinking is often a sign that you’re being overly critical of yourself in social situations. Nobody is thinking as much about your mistakes as you are, so give yourself a break.
You Dismiss Compliments Automatically
Someone tells you that you did a great job but your first reaction is to shrug it off or say it was nothing—that’s a sign you might be too hard on yourself. You’re unable to accept the compliment because you might think they’re just being nice & that you don’t really deserve it. Constantly dismissing kind words keeps you from recognizing your own strengths and achievements, even though everyone else sees them.
You Apologize When It’s Not Your Fault
You often say “I’m sorry” even when something isn’t your fault, including when a friend’s running late and you apologize for making them feel rushed. Over-apologizing like this often means you’re quick to take on blame that doesn’t belong to you and it’s a sign you’re too hard on yourself. Other people’s mistakes aren’t always your problem, so don’t apologize for them.
You Struggle to Accept Compliments Without Returning One
You might feel the need to quickly compliment another person in return when someone says something nice about you, because it’s hard for you to just say “thank you.” You struggle to accept the praise and this urge to bounce the compliment back might mean you’re uncomfortable with receiving positive feedback about yourself. It’s mostly because you don’t think that there’s anything worth complimenting about you.
You Set Unrealistically High Goals
You usually set goals that are extremely tough to reach, like finishing a huge project in a short time or expecting perfection in everything you do—these high standards set you up for disappointment. You’re unlikely to meet these lofty goals and when that happens, you feel like you’ve failed, even though they were unrealistic to begin with. Be honest about what you’re able to achieve and remember that as long as you tried, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about.
You Compare Yourself Unfavorably to Others
You always look at what others are doing and feel like you’re not measuring up, such as when a colleague gets praised & you think you’ll never be as good. Always comparing yourself to others and seeing yourself as lesser could show that you’re not appreciating your own skills. You’re not meant to be like anyone else and that’s perfectly fine—love yourself for who you are instead.
You Avoid Trying New Things Due to Fear of Failure
Are you someone who usually skips out on new experiences because you’re worried you won’t be good at them right away? It doesn’t matter whether it’s a new hobby or a different task at work—the fear of not excelling immediately holds you back. Being so avoidant means you’re setting the bar too high for yourself and missing out on opportunities that could be really beneficial for you.
You Re-Read Sent Messages for Mistakes
You re-open any messages or emails immediately after pressing “send” to double-check for errors, although it’s already gone. You might read it over & over because you’re worried that you missed something or made a typo. Constantly checking your messages could be a sign that you’re afraid of making mistakes and that you’re being too hard on yourself about small things.
You Avoid Asking for Help
It’s difficult for you to reach out for help even when you’re struggling because you believe that needing help is a sign of weakness—or that you should be able to figure things out on your own. Being reluctant to seek support usually makes challenges harder than they need to be and clearly shows you’re putting too much pressure on yourself. No person is an island and it’s perfectly okay to get some help now & again.
Disclaimer: This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.
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