It’s exhausting to have to deal with someone who is always playing the victim. They like to focus on the wrongs, blame others, and take no responsibility. It’s nice to show kindness but you need to make sure that you have limits and encourage a healthier mindset. The right words make a big difference. Here are phrases that will help you be there for them without getting stuck in their negativity.
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“That Sounds Difficult—How Can I Help?”
This phrase demonstrates that you are paying attention and care about what’s happening. It acknowledges that they’re struggling but doesn’t say that they’re all powerless. It also places responsibility on them by asking what sort of help they require. It invites a more productive solution to the issue, rather than encouraging their complaining.
“What Do You Think You Could Do Differently?”
A person that is always playing the victim doesn’t see their role in situations. This is a question that encourages them to think about what they might change. That’s a gentle way of saying, “Maybe it’s more than luck or other people.” It encourages personal growth without attacking them.
“That’s Unfortunate—What’s Your Plan?”
By being sympathetic and then asking a question, you show them that you care but won’t linger in constant negativity. This phrase forces them to solve something rather than being stuck in the problem. It also signals that you are listening, but you need them to take action.
“Do You Want Advice or Just Someone to Listen?”
Some complain because they want advice while some just want to vent. Asking this question establishes boundaries. If they’re just seeking someone to agree with them, you have the choice of listening to them without being pulled into their negativity. It also makes them explain to you what they need right now.
“I’m Sorry That Happened to You”
Acknowledging their feelings can make them feel heard without enabling a victim mentality. The phrase is simple and kind but does not promote a narrative of blame or despair. It’s a way of validating their feelings, without necessarily sharing their view.
“What’s the First Step You Can Take to Fix This?”
This question turns the focus from the problem to a potential solution. It makes them see that they are more powerful than they think. Talking about a “first step,” makes the task feel less overwhelming. It encourages them to take small but meaningful actions to solve the issue.
“Do You Think Everyone Involved Sees It the Same Way?”
This is a question that asks them to think in different ways. People who prefer to be the victim always think only from their own perspective. If you can get them to reflect on the emotions of others, they’ll begin to look beyond themselves.
“How Has This Worked Out for You in the Past?”
If someone is making the same bad habit over and over, that sentence might give them a chance to check if their approach is effective. It’s not accusatory but encourages self-awareness. Sometimes, they might feel that blaming others or staying stuck and might have reason to try something new.
“I Believe You’re Strong Enough to Handle This”
Sometime people play the victim because they don’t think they can handle it. When you remind them that they’re powerful, that’s empowering. It also changes the tone from “everything’s going on with me” to “I can get through this.” It shows confidence in their abilities and makes them feel good.
“Let Me Know When You’re Ready to Talk Solutions”
That phrase sets a clear boundary. It shows you are available to help only if they are prepared to get things solved and stop complaining. It’s a nice way to withdraw if the discussion gets stale or useless. It also puts the onus on them to decide when to make the change.
Disclaimer: This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.
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