8 Habits That Are Slowly Wrecking Your Confidence

Insecurity isn’t a light switch that you turn off – it is often a result of nasty little habits, which chisel out confidence stone by stone. We say things to ourselves or do things that might seem small, but our thoughts and actions can have long-term effects on who we see ourselves to be. What starts out small, can lead to insecurity, doubt and a lack of certainty.

With a greater awareness of these habits, it is possible to identify and eventually modify these behaviors – in order to rebuild your self-esteem. Below, we have described 8 habits we often engage in that are undermining our self-confidence and self-worth secretly. Let’s take a look at what they are and what effect they have on our sense of self-worth.

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Constantly Comparing Yourself to Others

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Nothing will belittle your sense of self more than comparing yourself to others. Aren’t they smarter? Aren’t they more successful? And don’t they have better everything? It appears this way all too often – especially through the filter of social media outlets.

Others certainly make it look easier — but the fact is almost nobody takes photos when they’re lonely, almost no one gives us the bonus footage from their crazy cat lady moments or that time they wrecked dinner. Almost no one reveals the setbacks and failures that made them the magnificent individuals that they ultimately became. By putting your energy on what others have garnered, you miss the pleasure in what you have. Over time, this habit of comparing begins to chew away at your sense of self-worth and your assessment of what’s good about you.

Negative Self-Talk

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As you speak to yourself, reciting that inner monologue, pondering about what you will do next, how you will do it and what the consequences might be – remember that what you say and the language you use matters. Much of the damage done in the lives of people who are short on confidence comes, at least in part, from negative self-talk. If you tell yourself – whether out loud or in your head – you’re not good enough or that you always screw up or that you’ll never be successful, you wind up reinforcing your insecurities.

Eventually, such negative thoughts about ourselves begin to feel like they must be true, whether they actually are or not. And the more you talk badly about yourself, the harder it will become to believe that you can and will do the very things you are seeking to accomplish.

Overthinking Every Decision

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Obsessing over the details of every choice and continually replaying decisions in your mind can be a real confidence-buster – not to mention a literal time-suck – as the familiar internal dialogue of ‘would have/could have/should have’ goes round and round.

Continual overthinking can prevent you from trusting your gut instincts, until you start questioning even the most instinctive decision-making processes. Let yourself off the hook and allow yourself some mistakes in the interest of moving on.

Seeking Approval from Others

Multiracial guys showing thumbs up gesture
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If your confidence leans too heavily on the opinions of others, you will become dependent on their approval to bolster your self-worth. People-pleasing behavior often lead to losing sight of your own values. You get used to telling yourself, ‘I am worthy because people find me appealing; I am kind because others approve.’ This dependence on external validation can become a vicious cycle, where you end up shortchanging yourself and feeling miserable.

Avoiding Challenges

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Indeed, playing it safe prevents you from growing. Avoiding challenges means missing out on chances to show yourself that you can handle it. In stepping away from a challenge, you lose confidence because you have reinforced the message of your inability to handle it. Holding your ground, confronting a challenge, even if it scares you, will build your resilience and your self-trust.

Not Setting Boundaries

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When others aggress your boundaries and you allow them to, it creates feelings of frustration and resentment – which can erode your sense of confidence over time. If your time and energy resources aren’t blocked off for yourself and others aren’t held accountable for imposing on those resources, then your sense of self-worth are going unprotected. A healthy sense of self-respect and confidence requires clear boundaries.

Focusing on Perfection

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If the entirety of your sense of self – your identity – rests on being perfect all the time, then any little slip up  becomes a blow to your ego. It will guide you to avoid situations where you might fail because, worse, you might be seen to fail. Seeing failure as a part of living allows your confidence to be built as you grow, instead of being falsely propped up by impossible standards.

Dwelling on Past Mistakes

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You’re forever in the past, forever stuck in what happened last week, last month, or even 10 years ago. Every time you look back, you’re only taking on more regret, which in turn amplifies your feelings of self-blame. Until you let go and move on from something you wish you’d done better, it’s nearly impossible to start considering where you want to go or how you can get there. Being able to let go of the past and instead focus on learning from mistakes can foster confidence, chance and recovery.

Disclaimer – This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.

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