13 Common Reasons People Distance Themselves From Family After Growing Up

Family relationships can be complicated. Some people stay close to their families for life, but others drift away as they grow older. It’s not always because of one big fight or dramatic event—sometimes, it’s a mix of small things that build up over time. In this list, let’s explore some of the most common reasons why this happens.

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Toxic Behavior

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Some families are full of drama, negativity, or manipulation. for example, it might have parents that always criticize or relatives who gossip behind your back. Handling all this toxicity can feel like too much. People stay away from such families to protect their mental health.

Different Values

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As we grow older, our values on different things like politics, religion, and lifestyle change (sometimes even drastically!) Sometimes, the rest of the family members might not agree with our views or try to push their values or beliefs on us. When you feel judged or dismissed for your views, you might feel like distancing yourself from family.

Lack of Support

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Family is supposed to have your back, right? But if they’re not there for you during tough times (illness, a breakup, financial troubles, etc.) it can feel like they don’t care. When you feel that you can’t rely on them, you might start to pull away from them.

Childhood Trauma

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For those who had rough childhoods, having to deal with issues like emotional abuse, neglect or other painful experiences, being around family can be mental torture. It can bring up bad memories they have been trying hard to repress. Instead of feeling happy or safe with family, they feel sad or angry. So distancing themselves is a way to heal and move on for them.

Overbearing Parents

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Some parents don’t learn to let their children go even when they’re adults. This type of parents always interferes with their children’s lives – they might criticize children’s decisions, try to control them, or micromanage their lives. Some children prefer to distance themselves from their parents because it feels suffocating.

Distance and Convenience

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Physical distance is one of the most common reasons why people grow apart from their families. When you move to a faraway location due to work or school, it makes staying close hard. You might care about your family very much, but long-distance relationships need a lot of effort and life gets busy. Gradually, phone calls and visits slow down, & the relationship feels weaker.

Sibling Rivalry

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Siblings might not always argue or fight when they get older. But old arguments and jealousy doesn’t go away with age. When one sibling always feels inferior or is tired of competing with others, they might find being with family a draining experience. Eventually, they will stop showing up at family events.

Conflicting Priorities

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Life gets pretty busy as you grow up. You might find it hard to prioritize family between all your commitments – work, relationships, personal goals, hobbies, etc. If members in your family don’t understand or respect the fact that you’re busy, this can also add guilt or tension. This might want you to pull back even further.

Family Expectations

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Some families have too many rules or expectations on how life should go on. They might expect children to marry at a certain age, take over the family business, or follow certain traditions (attending religious events, avoiding specific food, naming children, etc.) Going against these expectations can lead to disappointment, judgement, or even constant criticism. Distancing from such a family can feel like freedom.

Financial Strains

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Money is something that creates complications in relationships. You might fight about inheritance or unpaid loans. Some family members might even try to guilt rip you into helping them financially. Over time, you might decide it’s easier to step away than to deal with such family members.

Feeling Unappreciated

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If you’re the only one who’s always making the effort to keep the family closer (constant visits, calls, organizing get-togethers, etc.), it might get tiring after some time. When nobody else is putting any effort in and you are doing all the work, you might stop bothering altogether.

Negative Atmosphere

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Some family gatherings just feel so negative. There may be constant arguments, passive-aggressive comments, or just an overall bad vibe. Instead of dreading every visit, it feels easier to skip them and avoid the stress altogether.

Growth in Opposite Directions

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Sometimes, people just naturally grow apart. Your career, hobbies, or social circle can take you in a completely different direction from the rest of your family. You might find yourself without much in common anymore. This creates a distance between yourself and your family.

Disclaimer: This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information.

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